Bonkage

I rode a lot this week.  More than I've ridden since April.  And, I rode pretty hard.

For me, at least.

I keep having to remind myself that I was couch-bound for over 2 months.  I feel a little bit of frustration that I'm just not strong like I'd like to be.  But, I have to smack myself in the head and remind myself that just a few weeks ago, I could barely walk.

This week included one major bonk and one less major bonk during rides.  Bonking sucks.  It's not just your legs feeling tired and not able to push a decent pace.  It's like your lights just go out entirely.  You stop thinking of anything other than the fact that you feel like crud.  Then, you stop thinking about that and just become a bit of a zombie on two wheels.  The major bonk lasted for the rest of the evening, just never quite coming back around to feeling normal.  The minor one was over as soon as I was able to slow down on the bike and just find my internal rhythm again.  And, of course, by being distracted from the pain and cruddy feeling by those around me.

One ride this week was a blessing in that I was riding with a Med Student whose speciality is sport/spinal work.  She already works as a PT and is going back for her DO.  She listened to my litany of presentations and symptoms and gave me some great advice on what I might try going forward.  Because of this conversation, I'm less nervous about the fact that I'll be getting an epidural shot next week and I'm trying out a new Physical Therapist the following week.  Because of this conversation, I'm feeling better about my recovery and about my prognosis going forward.  So, a HUGE thank you goes out to my Wednesday riding buddy!!  THANK YOU!

So, I'm tired tonight.  Very tired.  But, I'm also satisfied.  I know that I have amazing people around me who want to see me make a full recovery and who are willing to put up with the Grumpy-Chop on occasion as I struggle to get there.  I now have a better idea of what really might be going on inside this bod of mine and I'm anxious to get some new eyes and new ideas in the recovery mix.  I am now ready to focus on the next set of things in life...

A new contract at work - FINALLY!!
In-service week with my awesome colleagues.
The start of classes with a new fleet of (hopefully wicked cool) students.
A team weekend in the mountains.
The lovely season of long weekend rides watching the leaves change color.

But first...
A trip to the zoo and the beach with Mr. Porkchop!  :)

Decompressing

The last few days have been about decompressing.  There were so many things this summer that I was looking forward to...

Defending my dissertation.
Submitting my dissertation.
Celebrating with friends and family.
My parents visiting.
Getting some work done around the house.
Prepping for Fall classes.
Racing my bike with my teammates.

And now... most of those things are over.  The big party was this past weekend.  My mom and dad drove out from Wyoming (yep, DROVE out!) to celebrate with us.  They've since headed back home.  It's very sad every time they leave because I do love being around them.  If only I could figure out a way for us all to live on the same side of the country, I'd be pretty happy.  Alas... maybe one day!

The thing about having so much to look forward to is that, once it's over, you're kind of left in a lurch.  So, I'm in a funk now.  So, in order to avoid the funk, I've been trying to find things to do.  I work on stuff around the house (painting the front steps and front door - those faded out shutters are next!), revamping my entire online course to the new system (again), rethinking the readings for my Humanities class (again), putting the finishing touches on my article that's due in a month.

But, all of this is really just feeling like busy work.

I'm mentally tired.  I'm emotionally worn out.  While I'm aware of it, there's not much I can do to change it right now.  I'm way too sensitive about certain things.  And, some things are just finally catching up to me.  I think I just need a few days somewhere beautiful (the beach, the mountains, somewhere) to relax, think of nothing but what I've managed to accomplish over the past few months, and just get recharged.

Maybe I can make that happen...