La-La Land

I have been happily living in La-La Land for the past couple of days. Enjoying my friends, family, and food...but now...the reality that tomorrow is December 1st has sunk in.

It's not that I am concerned about the end of the year...but that on Thursday, I have my oral exam. Unfortunately, I have yet to find out if I even passed the daggon written sections. I hope to hear something soon...I'm at somewhat of a loss as to how to study for this next one. So far, I have just worked on brushing up on the questions I avoided. Then, I suppose I will have to work on the things I know I messed up. Man, nothing like running you through the wringer, eh? I'll be glad when Thursday is over!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Gobble, gobble.

Hope everyone has a fantastic Thanksgiving day. Enjoy your friends, enjoy your family, enjoy lots and lots of food, and welcome the tryptophanic coma that is bound to follow!

Simply Unfair

Now, this is just wrong. Early next week, my butt.

I still haven't heard anything, and now I'm starting to think the worst. I can only wait, but the waiting is torture. Absolute torture.

A Few Things

I had a great weekend. I had to have a great weekend. If I didn't have a great weekend, I was going to spend 48+ hours agonizing over the fact that my exam committee chair told me on Thursday that I would hear "early next week" about the results of my written exams. Ahem...it's Monday. 1:01 pm (yes, Karyn, for real as I type this). That's "early next week" isn't it? Everytime gmail tells me that I have a new message, my stomach drops. That is, until I open gmail and it's just the latest message from a friend, or my dad, or something. Ugh...I want "early next week" to be now...I think.

I had a great weekend. Chuck and I went to the movies on Saturday. Man, it seems like FOREVER since I saw a movie. We saw Twilight (yes, I am a teenage girl wrapped up in an older girl's body - I LOVE the books and the characters). Anyway...I warned him before we went that he was not allowed to make any snarky comments. The funny thing was, the only time he talked during the movie was to ask me some clarifying questions. By the end, I asked him what he thought and he said he actually liked it! Now, he wants to read the books. Cute!

Is it "early next week," yet? Nope...

I had a great weekend. I spent nearly 4 hours on my bike on Sunday. It was chilly - hovering in the low 40s - but sunny. It was a great ride with a dozen of my favorite people, including a slew of the new team members. Very cool.

Is it "early next week" NOW? Nope...

I have a new HATED commercial on TV. I hate it so much that, while I'm telling y'all about it, I will not embed the YouTube video here. I will give you the link, but it is so disgusting to me that I can't stand to have it here permanently. So, if you dare, view it...gross. Perhaps it stems from my own thumb neuroses, but this commercial just TOTALLY DISGUSTS me! EWWWWWW!

But, since I can't leave you on a crappy note, I will embed one of my favorite things ever. And, since this song was in my head over the weekend, I figured it was a perfect way to end this post.

Exams - Day Two

My friend Alejandra told me that today's exam would be fun. Ha, yeah, right, I was thinking. Really? It was fun! It was such a joy to delve into the things that I am most passionate about. images of children, photography, the way in which scholars have addressed the issues of death in the photographic medium...way fun.

It was hard, don't get me wrong, but at least I felt like I knew what to say and how to say it. It felt far more comfortable and *known* than Tuesday's material.

Well...that's it. For now. I wait until early next week to find out if I passed the written components. If the answer is yes, it's on to the oral. To be honest, I'm not sure if I passed Tuesday's test. Now, I just have to wait and see. In the meantime, I have the perfect diversion so that I am not thinking about it too much...my BIKE! That's right folks, my butt is riding my bike this weekend. Oh, I just can't wait! :)

Day One

Day one of my exams went pretty well until the end. I was very prepared for two of the questions. I told myself at the start...you should save this one for last! But, I was an idiot and ignored myself and started with the one I felt most comfortable about. When I got to #4, I read the question. Great, it's about photography...no problem. Then I read it again. Wait a minute...what is she asking? I read it again. And again. And again. I couldn't figure out HOW to answer this question. Was she asking about actually photographers throughout the nineteenth century or was she asking how contemporary critics viewed the issues dealt with in the nineteenth century. Duh....I have NO IDEA! SHIT.

So, long story short...after a wasted hour of time, I deleted everything and started on a new question. The new question should have taken at least two hours...I had 40 minutes. I took 1 hour and 10 minutes and turned everything in. UGH.

So, how did I do people ask? No freakin' clue. I'm sure that I made a lot of mistakes. I'm sure that I didn't answer the questions exactly as they would have liked. But, I'm sure that I included a lot of knowledge. I'm sure that I dealt with a lot of things to show that I have been working my butt off. I'm sure that I wrote for 8.5 hours straight. Hell, I didn't even stop for lunch. I did go to the bathroom twice (once was just because I had to get out of that chair!!!).

Only time will tell now. Bring on Thursday.

Here it is...

Well, I have reviewed. I have eaten a nice, yummy dinner. I have had some Stress Relief tea and some Chamomile to help me sleep. I have packed up my bag with goodies to snack on, things to put on the desk to make me think happy thoughts, and the first set of books to be returned to the library!

It's now 10pm. My exam starts in 11 hours. I'm not the least bit sleepy (gee, that's a surprise), but I am going to try to go to bed before 11pm.

Thanks to all of you who have sent me well wishes, happy thoughts, good karma, and giant care packages. It means a lot to know that so many of you are with me in spirit.

I just hope that the Fates have me in their "good graces" column.

Big Sigh, that's it...Here it is...

The Best

I swear...I am really lucky. I have some of the best friends and the best family. I have gotten good luck wishes from my cycling pals, my colleagues at work, my peers at school, my bestest pals, and my rockin' sister and brother-in-law who sent me the most INCREDIBLE care package imaginable. Check this puppy out!!!

Terra Chips, Gummi Bears, tea, a smelly-good candle, pop tarts, apple crisps, stretchy frogs to chuck at the wall when I'm frustrated, squishy balls to throw for the cats tonight to ease my mind...fantastic. I simply love it.

How awesome is that?! THANKS JULES AND SCOTTY!!!!

I hope that I make all of you proud. I'll be doing my best and thinking of you all (in between my pervasive thoughts about racism in antebellum American painting!).

I Had a Dream Last Night...

And it was NOT an anxiety dream. In fact, I woke up very excited and optimistic. In my dream, I was taking my exam. The 8 hours had ended and I was begging Dr. Silk to let me continue writing because I was so excited about all of the stuff I was putting down. I remember citing specific authors about landscape painting (one area on which I feel a bit less than authoritative) and I just remember being disappointed that, while I knew I had written good essays, I was unable to put down EVERYTHING I knew.

Plus, the Magic 8 Ball was very positive this morning, indicating it's certainty that I was going to pass my test.

We'll see...only 45.5 hours to go.

One of these days...

I will find a way to bring the following words into a common discussion:

antinomianism
oleaginous
fulguration
naseuous glutinosity

That's all I can think of for now. Feel free to add your own suggestions...I'll try to use them in a sentence on my exams next week! :)

5 Days

That's it...just 5 days left until my exams. Honestly, I really feel like I might not pass. I'm not saying this in a pathetic, "oh-please-tell-me-it-will-be-okay" sort of way. I just feel like I can't possibly know everything that I am expected to know! I understand that this is probably how I should feel, I just hope that I have amassed enough crap in my head to pull this thing off. I've been trying to send telepathic messages to my committee so that they ask me the right questions, but I'm not sure that it's working. I've continued to consult the Magic 8 Ball on occasion, but he's just as willy-nilly as before.

The interesting thing about studying is that in my readings on photography, I have been longing to get the camera out there and shoot. I've been drooling over photos that friends have been taking outside as the leaves go through their tremendous changes in hue...knowing full well that by the time I escape my prison of books, the leaves will be gone, and I'll be stuck shooting pictures of snow! :) Nonetheless, I feel a newfound sense of interest in my camera (which is a really great thing), and I'm considering taking the large format class at CCP this Spring to get my Hasselblad out of the closet! It's kind of like the ones on the site, only from the 1960s! :)

So, my photography has been limited to outings on First Friday with my little digital point and shoot and these, from my study.

Speaking of studying...I'm off to cram more crap into my head. 5 More days!

First Friday in Fotos

Going Nowhere

Sometimes, this is just how it feels...

First Friday

Another First Friday has arrived! Even with all of the stuff I am doing, I still look forward to this. A chance to hang out casually with students, former students, colleagues, my friends, my husband. It's a relief and a release. It's a couple of hours that I get to think about art, but not in a stressful, studying kind of way! I love it.

Anyway...check out the Flaneurs website and join us. We have T-shirts, we have pins...we are gaining a veritable cult following. Very groovy.

My Hero

Oh, how I wish life were still so simple that this guy was the most famous 19th century American I knew!

Worried About Me

A friend said to me today, "I'm worried that you're too stressed. You need to take care of yourself, you know." My response was something along the lines of, "Gee...you think?" And to think that this person really only knows the half of it.

It's been a very long time since I felt this...confined. I am confined by my life right now and it is horrifying. I find myself stuck in the same conversations, the same routine, the same arguments, dealing with the same issues, over and over and over. Trapped and unable to get out until I begin to peel away the layers that are keeping me caged, I have no choice but to deal.

This is what I told my friend. I said, "What am I supposed to do? I have responsibilities, I have things that I need to do. If I don't do them, who will? If I don't study, no one is going to do it for me." But, this is why I am trying to do things like my acupuncture treatments (which have really helped my mood) and meditation (just to have some "me" time). Still, I am suffering. To put it plainly. I am suffering, my life is suffering, and I don't like it.

I just pray that whatever outcome occurs in the next couple of weeks, I can get my life back. I want to stop suffering. And I certainly want my life to stop suffering. It doesn't feel good.

It's Over!

Nation Elects 44th President!

Election Day

Well, folks...the big day is finally here. As of tomorrow - the horrible smear campaigns will cease, the commercials on TV will return to informing you that you're too fat, you don't have enough stuff, and you need to buy a new car, and we will have a new president-elect.

I'm heading over to the polls in a few hours to cast my vote. Those who know me well can probably guess where my allegiance lies, but the rest of you will just have to guess. All I can say is...by the end of the day, 40% of the nation will be pleased as punch, 40% will be madder than snakes, and 10% don't really give a crap, so they will just sit around being pissed off no matter what! I pray I'm part of that initial 40%!!!

So, all I have to say is this...get out and VOTE. Even if you think it doesn't matter, even if you think it does, even if you think your one, sinlge, tiny vote won't make a difference, do it. There's nothing worse than looking back on it and feeling like you weren't a part of a great decision - or that you voted against a poor one.

I know I'm voting...even if it is really up to that "electrical college" thingy!

Two Weeks

Countdown continues...2 weeks from tomorrow I take my first written exam. 8 hours of torture, or fun, depending on the questions!

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for fun.

I conferred today with the Magic 8 Ball on the status of my post-exam future. "Oh, Magic 8 Ball, will I pass my exams?"

Sometimes he is very reassuring...letting me know that I am in the clear.

Other times...I want to toss his plastic butt out the nearest window.

Looks like I will have to rely on my brains to get me through the exam, eh?

Halloween

Chuck took me to Johnson's Farm the other day to get my pumpkins. I had a bit of bad luck with the carving, but I think they turned out ok in the end.

By Halloween night we had 7 cats around the house! Don't worry, Mom...two of them were carved on the pumpkins! :) So, yes, these are both supposed to be cats. Like I said, I had a bit of trouble.

We had more Trick Or Treaters than previous years. That was a nice change...we actually ran out of candy! Still, Halloween came and went with me spending most of the night with my books. My friend Matt asked me what I was going to be for Halloween and I told him, "A hermit hiding in my office studying!" He actually thought I was funny.

Anyway...today has been a nice blending of study-time and time with Chuck. Tonight, we are off to Fergie's to see Brian's show. Should be fun! For now...back to the books!

Strange Cat

Well, as we learned a few days after bringing Aquinas home...he is a strange bird. This is how I found him the other day. Curled up under the covers on our bed, resting his head on my pillow, sound asleep. Strange.

He also enjoys attempting to "milk" Elwood. He's having little success as Elwood is a boy, and he tends to suck on his back, but hey...whatever makes you feel good. I'll get a picture of this at some point, I'm sure.