Happy Happy Joy Joy!

So, it's been a good couple of days.  Honestly!  It's been a while since my mood has been this good, and it has a lot to do with some seriously positive physical recovery!

I went to PT this morning, and my therapist was ALL smiles!  She was just elated about how I was looking and feeling.  It made me feel so good to know that I'm finally making serious and real progress.  I'm not in a lot of pain anymore - there's still some - but I realize that I am starting to forget that things hurt.  The hurt has also moved around a lot - it's not shooting down my leg into my ankle anymore.

What else happened this week to make things so awesome, you ask??

1.  Jim, Jeanne, and I got tickets to see the Killers in Atlantic City.  I know, I know... I've already gotten the stink eye from Mr. Porkchop several times... but, they're just so AWESOME!  And, the chance to see them in a small-ish venue is something I simply cannot pass up!

2.  We put the deposit down on the hall for my graduation party!  It's such a nice place and the folks that run it are truly awesome.  They're friendly, personable, and just genuinely excited to have us there.

3.  We sent out invitations for the party - and got our first RSVP today!

4.  I ordered my class ring!  When I was in high school, my mom gave me the option of getting a class ring or a letter jacket.  I was such a jock that I went for the letter jacket without a second thought.  I got another letter jacket in college, and decided that now was my chance.  I purchased a gorgeous silver ring engraved with - what else? - "Dr Porkchop" on the inside!  Photos will be posted when it arrives!

5.  I sold another photo - thus making the above ring purchase possible!!  I went in for acupuncture today and my large coastal photo of Hawai'i was hanging on the wall in it's 2 x 3 foot splendor.  When I came out of the session, it was gone and I was handed cash for the purchase!  I immediately said, "RING money!!"  Then, I came home and completed #4!

6.  I had to go in for a few extra scans after a questionable something or other was spotted on the MRI of my lower back.  I went in yesterday for the final test and it looks like it's nothing out of the ordinary after all.  This is a huge relief as the preliminary tests revealed possible malignancy.  HUGE sigh of relief!!

7.  I am feeling GOOD!  And, I am allowed to get on the bike tomorrow!  On the trainer, which isn't outside, but I'll take it.  If all continues to improve as it has recently, I'll be back out on the road next week.

Wow.  I continue to be unfalteringly grateful to my friends and family who have put up with me over the last few weeks.  I've been miserable, low, depressed, scared, and angry.  You never let me fall victim to those feelings - always making me giggle, letting me know that you're there, and just generally being the coolest, most awesomest, most fantabulous people I know.  Thank you.

And, to my friends racing Philly this weekend - good luck, kick some butt, I love you all... and be SAFE out there!! xoxo

Road to Recovery... headed WEST!

So, just in the last week or so (since The Killers concert), I've started feeling improvement in my hip/back issues.  Over the last few days, I've been doing a really strict series of exercises at home.  And, they've paid off.  The pelvic shift is nearly gone and it's allowing me to actually begin therapy on my back.  Core building is going well... it's my plan to have the six-pack abs I've always dreamed of.  I mean, if this back injury is going to rob me of yet another race season, I damn well better get something out of it, right?!?!

My whole mental state has improved of late, along with my physical state.  It's so much easier to smile and be happy when I'm only in pain for portions of the day and I can visibly see my body coming back to me.  I may even be able to sleep in bed with Mr. Porkchop again soon!  WAHOO!!

We have begun the planning stages for my graduation party!  I've been dreaming of this for a long time and we decided that we would just make it a big bash - rent a hall, roast a pig, and party hearty with friends and family.  After all, you only get your PhD once, right?!  Unless you get more than one... but, then you're just insane!

I've turned my attention away from the chapters themselves (which are safely in the hands of my committee members) to the abstract and the acknowledgments pages.  How, exactly, does one condense 200 pages of material and several years of research into a one-page abstract?  I have NO IDEA... but, I'll let you know when I figure it out.

Finally!!

So, about 6 months ago, I was very excited.  I woke up on a chilly December morning with the knowledge that I would be seeing the Killers in just a matter of hours.  Unfortunately, that very morning, we got the news that the show was canceled.  I was pretty devastated.  I've been waiting quite a few years to see them.  And, while my desire was temporarily quenched by going to see Brandon Flowers' solo tour, I knew that nothing would be quite the same as seeing the band in their complete glory.

The worst part was that it took about a month for them to announce the make up date... May 19th.  Oh, man...

Of course, to make matters even worse, I was going to have to fend off my body in order to enjoy the show - stupid back/hip issue!

Anywho...

The show was last night.  I've finally had the chance to see the Killers.  And, they were WELL worth the wait.  They were INCREDIBLE!  The set list was fantastic - with all of the expected big hits, a few tracks off of the new album, and even a surprise (for me) performance of Joy Division's Shadowplay.

On the whole, it was truly fantastic.  And, I was able to dance the night away without a on of pain in my hip and leg.  I'm a little sorer than normal this morning, but I'm off to PT in a few and I'm sure that all will be well.

I will definitely do whatever I can to see them again.  They truly were awesome!  Thanks for coming back 'round to see us, guys!

Turning the Corner

This week was rough.  I knew that it would be, but it's been tough.  I've had some MAJOR downs that were followed by incredible ups.  So, here's how it's gone... and here's where we are now...

It was my first week of summer classes - so I knew that I would be physically challenged by standing up for 3 hours a day to teach.  Tuesday was the roughest day of the week - when the pain and frustration had me at a total low point.

But, it began to turn around.  Wednesday was good.  Thursday was LONG.  I taught all morning and then had graduation at night.  Standing around in the robing area before walking into the gym for the ceremony was very tough.  Once I sat down, I regained my strength, and managed to walk across the stage without limping, without being bent over like an evil henchman, and with the exquisite joy of being hooded masking the pain in my hip and leg.

Friday had me going from doctor's appointment to doctor's appointment.  PT in the morning was followed by a visit to Imaging for a scan and acupuncture with Marnie in the afternoon.  By the end of the day, I was tired and achey, but feeling ok.

Saturday started well - we went to the Farmer's Market and bought some gorgeous golden beets and potatoes to roast.  I went out and did some shopping at the mall for some pants.  Ouch.  By the time I got home from that, I needed a nap.  I was in quite a bit of pain, but felt wonderful after waking up from my nap.

Today has started pretty well.  After doing my PT exercises, I'm a bit sore, but I'm planning a restful afternoon so that I can PARTY my butt off tonight at The Killers concert!

But, perhaps the best part, is this...For the first time in 4 weeks, I woke up STRAIGHT this morning!  My hips were nearly perfectly aligned.  I can feel it in my entire body.  They often speak of "turning a corner" in recovery.  I am really hoping that this weekend was my corner.

I am looking forward to spending the evening with my friends.  I am looking forward to the next week to see if I can keep turning corners and getting better.  Maybe getting back on the bike in June will be possible after all.  I'll have a LOT of catching up to do, but if I'm with my team... I know that I can do it!

Dr. Porkchop! Almost!

So, while it won't be officially official until I defend in July... last night was commencement.  I celebrated the completion of Doctoral work with a few of my classmates (they're colleagues now, I guess!), and was extremely happy to share the evening with Mr. Porkchop, his mom and stepdad, and my good friend and work colleague Brian.

It was a great evening.  There's something overwhelming about hearing someone introduce you to a room full of people as "Dr."

 Lily, Amy, Judith, Sophie, and Me - the Doctoral class of 2013

 We got to sit in the front row! 

 Getting ready to be called up on stage and hooded...and me telling Chuck that in order to get photos of the event, he actually had to be IN FRONT of the stage, not behind it!

 Hooding!  

 After the event!

Looking good! 

So, for now, I'm still plain old Mrs. Porkchop.  But, in EXACTLY 2 months from today, I hope to be able to officially introduce myself as Dr.  Wow...that's a little surreal!

Hooding Day!

OK - so, yesterday's post was a bit of a downer.  I know, I admit it.  But, I was in a bad place.  I broke down a bit at Physical Therapy yesterday, too...even though things are getting better.  And, my therapists just said, "It's totally understandable that you're tired and frustrated...we're going to get you through this."  Everyone's been saying that, and I'm trying to believe them.  I know that it's true, and I'm getting there.

But, no negativity today.  Why?  Because it's

HOODING DAY!!!

I'm not calling it "Graduation Day" as I'm technically not graduating until later in the summer.  But, I AM walking in Graduation tonight and getting "hooded" by one of my absolute favorite people.  I'm excited and a bit overwhelmed.

I mean, I'm not REALLY done.

What if they decide that my dissertation is shite and tell me to give back my regalia?!  

What if I completely flop my defense and they think, "Holy HELL, we can't give this woman a degree?!?!"

What if the incoming swarm of locusts eat my dissertation?

What if...

What if...

What if...

Wait... I said that this was going to be a positive post!!

YES!  I am going to finish this darned thing.

I will produce a brilliant manuscript, with wonderfully interesting interpretations of portraits of children.

I will perform a mind-boggling defense that leaves them thinking that they should just stop giving degrees, because what could be better than that?!

I will turn this puppy in EARLY, because there will be so few changes post defense that I can get them done in a 24 hour period.

I will...

I will...

I will...

Trying to Stay Positive...Not Really Working

Yesterday was tough.

Really tough.

Crying in the shower in frustration and pain kinda tough.

I went back to work this week, so I am essentially on my feet from when I wake up until I get home at 1:30 or 2:00.   I knew that this week would be hard.  But, it's taken a toll on my mental state much more quickly than I imagined.  Not to mention, my body.  By the time I got home on Monday, I felt ok.  By the time I got home yesterday, not so much.

The issue at this point isn't the bulging disk so much as my whole pelvis has shifted.  I'm all crooked.  I've been going to PT to fix the shift, and this is causing severe pain in my right hip.  Plus, I'm still crooked.  Certainly, I'm not as bad as I was a week ago, when I resembled Quasimodo or Igor more than a normal 30-something human being.  But, I'm still out of whack.  And, still in pain.  A lot of it.

I just want to be normal again.  I want to be able to bend down to pick up something I've dropped without worrying about how much it's going to hurt my hip.  I want to sleep in the same bed as my husband (something I've not been able to do in 4 weeks because I roll around constantly trying to get comfortable - which I rarely do).  I want to ride my bike.  Hell, I just want to be able to WALK normally.

To say that my morale is a bit low would be a severe understatement.  I am frustrated and scared.  What if this continues for another month.  Or two.  Or six.  Hell, with all the horror stories I've been told by other people with back problems, I could be like this forever.  A special thanks to those who decided to tell me to just give up all hope and accept the fact that I'll be in pain forever, you are certainly near and dear to my heart.  Jerks.

I just want my body back.  I know that in the grand scheme of things, physically, I'm dealing with something pretty freakin' minor.  I still have all my limbs, my legs still work, etc.  I have had the great good fortune to get to know and ride with some amazing physically disabled people, and I know that what I'm going through is absolutely insignificant in comparison to what they've dealt with.  But, I also know that the frustration I feel is natural and acceptable.

I'm trying to stay positive.  Yesterday, it wasn't really working.  Today, I'm going to try again... in the hopes that tomorrow night, when I graduate and get hooded, I can actually managed to walk, proud and upright, across the stage.

Fingers crossed.

Pelvis straight.

Happy Anniversary

Today marks our 9th Anniversary.

I try not to mention my partner in crime too much.  He doesn't really like it, and I've always found public mooshiness to be a bit corny.  But, it's our anniversary.  So, once a year, I feel that it's fitting to tell the world that I'm a pretty lucky gal.

Thank you, Mr. Anonymous-Poster, for putting up with all of my loony-ness.

I know that I am far from perfect.

I'm forgetful.  I make Porkchop-Piles.  I am easily distracted.  I am always trying to make you eat leafy green food.  I cook from the Evil Cookbook.  I like to shop at Wegman's.  I blame you for our house-full of cats (when I must admit that a few of them are my doing). I ride my bike too much.  I buy you underwear for Christmas.  I am always cold when you are hot.  I like to open the curtains.  I'm always making you get on planes.  I sometimes trick you into getting on little tiny planes.

I know that this list could continue on for days... but, there's one thing that I am perfect at...

Being Mrs. Anonymous-Poster.

Nothing has felt more natural and normal to me than being married to you.  You being in my life has given me everything that I always dreamed of having... a sweet and warm home, a wonderfully fulfilling job, friends that are true and honest, and a spouse that is my ideal match.

Thank you for sharing your life with me.  Thank you for making my life better.

Happy Anniversary, Booger.

The Post With the List

The easiest way to update everyone on my current life is through a list.  Here goes...

1.  Disk is still bulging.  Pain is still occurring.  PT will continue until the pain goes away or until it's hung around for 6 weeks, whichever comes first.  If it's the latter, a pain specialist might be needed to give me a shot in the butt (not really in my bum, but you get the idea).

2.  Look, Ma, no cavities!

3.  I am learning that 2013 will be known as the year that tested my patience.  Between my back and waiting on chapters to be reviewed and returned, I've learned that meditation and wine (lots and lots of wine) are the keys to increasing one's ability to be patient.

4.  I'm enjoying the fact that for the first time in the 12 years that I've lived in Philadelphia, we are actually having Spring weather.  It didn't go from 40 to 90 degrees overnight, but actually has lingered in the upper 50s and 60s for several weeks now.

5.  I get hooded in 9 days.  My dissertation defense will take place in approximately 64 days.  It is actually going to happen...I WILL be Dr. Porkchop in 2013.

6.  A portion of my dissertation might be published in 2014...the wheels are in motion.

That's it for now, I think...

Oh, and my hubby is the BOMB.  I mean it... the BOMB.

Updates and Such

So, I got an MRI this week... I go back to the Ortho tomorrow for an official reading, but the glance at the films by my Physical Therapist reveals a bulging disk (not herniated, like originally feared) and two disks (including the bulger) that are arthritic.  Geez... I'm only thirty-something-or-other years old... arthritis?!?  Yuckola.

Still, that's better than a herniated disk, I believe.

It's been rough.  I have ok days and I have really bad days.  On the really bad days, I can barely walk, it hurts to sit, lay down, walk, move, or otherwise do anything except drug myself into sleeping.  On ok days, I limp a bit, my back muscles get really tight, and I can sit, stand, walk, and essentially feel pretty ok.

I hope that the visit to the doc tomorrow puts some steps in place for treatment and such.  I'm really ready to get back to riding my bike - not to mention walking like a normal human... rather than like Igor.

So, fingers, toes, and eyes crossed for a good visit tomorrow!

For now... it's a wine and dissertation kind of night!  Bring it on!

To Ride... Or Not To Ride...

That is definitely the question on my mind right now.

So, last weekend's racing went pretty well for me.  I got 9th in the All American Road race on Saturday - complete with a 3rd place field sprint, and I took a flyer at Lower Providence and tested my attacking and TT-ing legs a bit.

All of this was done while I was reeling in pain from an unknown back issue.  Well, it was actually a butt issue...the pain emanating from my right behind, shooting down my leg, and causing me some serious discomfort.  But, not on the bike.  Glory Be, every time I got on the bike, the pain stopped and I felt good.

Then, I would get off the bike and hobble around like an invalid.  Sigh.

I went to the doctor, he sent me for an Xray.  The Xray didn't really tell us much, so I was off to my ortho again - he helped me with my shoulder, certainly he could help me with this.

In the few days it took to get in to see him, the pain went from bad to HOLY HELL, TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL... NOW!!!

There were literally a few times when I contemplated asking Chuck to take me to the ER.  I shed tears of pain and frustration more than once.

I requested an MRI through my primary doctor and my insurance denied it.  Of course, the Ortho wrote me a script for an MRI and we're now waiting to see if they'll deny a specialist, too.

The basic diagnosis prior to the MRI is that I have a herniated disc in my back.  Sigh.  Fantastic.  The MRI will help to determine exactly where the injury is and help us to fix it more quickly.  I'm praying for an authorization code to be sent my way today.

So, as any good athlete, I asked the inevitable question, "So, when can I ride again?"

The initial answer made my heart drop into my toes, "3-6 weeks."

And then, he said words that made me want to dance (if my back wouldn't go into spasms), "Well, no, actually... you can ride.  It might actually be good for you.  Just NO racing."

Needless to say, I was pretty happy to hear that.

Now, don't worry people... I'm not stupid.  I'm taking a break and I'm not going to go out and ride a double century or anything.  I'm not going to go do Greentree (after all, it's a ride not a race)!  I'm going to take it easy.  But, I am going to get back on my bike.  It makes me happy.  And everyone likes a happy Porkchop.  Well... almost everyone!