Today was my 6 week follow up with the surgeon.
All is well.
Really.
My healing is going just fine, and he's happy with how things are looking at this time.
BUT.
Yep, you knew that was coming...
He's asked me to be very cautious. He's implored me to be careful, to not push too much, to let the healing continue at a steady pace and to make sure that I allow that to happen so that we can avoid a return trip to sleepy town. He's asked me to really thoughtfully consider my activities and how they impact my back and my physical well-being.
As such, it's finally time to pay the piper.
It is with a truly heavy heart that I have to face the reality that my bike racing career is over.
No, you didn't misread that. And, I didn't mistype.
I'm retiring from racing.
It's been a glorious run for someone who didn't start racing a bike until she was 27. I literally achieved every goal I had ever wanted - except for one, and I got really darn close to that one, too.
- I raced at the Liberty Classic and numerous other professional events.
- I won the state title in road, crit, and TT at the Elite and Masters levels.
- I won at least one mass-start race every season of my career.
- I brought home a medal from Nationals
- I got my Cat 1 upgrade
- I raced for three amazing teams over a 10 year span - each with its own unique and wonderful personality and within which I was able to grow as a person, as a teammate, and as an athlete
More important than any of that, I made some amazing friends through this sport. People that I truly can say have changed my life. They have helped me become the person that I am today and have loved me because of (not in spite of) my flaws and my quirks.
I will miss racing. There's no doubt about that. It's been a huge part of who I am for years. But, I'm also looking forward to the next phase of my life... filling Mr. Porkchop's weekends with adventures!!
To all who I've met along the way... thank you for touching my life and making this post so difficult to write.
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
Thankful For So Much
As we near the end of November, which has been a month of truly amazing ups and terrifyingly awful downs, I am urging myself to look upon the Thanksgiving season with a sense of gratitude. And, as such, I feel a strong need to express that gratitude here... for whoever reads this nonsense!
I am grateful for my freedom. Grateful to be a member of the citizenry of the United States, which I believe has been and will continue to be a bastion for freedom and equality of many kinds. I'm under the belief that this freedom and equality is currently under attack, but that the spirit of America will prevail and that we will not falter in pursuing the implementation of our modern interpretation of the belief that all men are created equal.
I am grateful for my friends and family. The last 6 weeks have been a trial for me in terms of my well being, both physical and mental. When you are truly down and getting up does not seem easy or possible, it's then that those who truly love you show their colors. They babysit you when you can't do for yourself (for one day or for two weeks!), they bring you food, they swing by simply to make you smile, they give you silly socks with images of raining cats and dogs... they call, they text, and they remind you that you do not have to "get up" on your own. They remind you that they are there to help you and that getting up with their help will be a lot easier - not to mention a hell of a lot more fun!
I am grateful for the life that I have been fortunate enough to build. I've found an amazing partner, a job that is truly fulfilling and challenging, and several communities of like-minded people who continue to show me that anything is possible. Whether it's keeping an animal shelter up and running, bringing a block-long "downtown main street" back to life with local business and community, or brainstorming sanity and action in a politically turbulent moment, I'm lucky to be surrounded by people that I admire and appreciate.
I am grateful for the many fighters and allies that have come before us. We may not know what the future holds, but we are starkly aware of the past. As such, we have exceptional models for how to engage, behave, and enact change. May we never, as a free people, cease to fight against injustice, bigotry, hatred, and fear.
May you all find peace and gratitude at your dinner table during this Thanksgiving season.
I am grateful for my freedom. Grateful to be a member of the citizenry of the United States, which I believe has been and will continue to be a bastion for freedom and equality of many kinds. I'm under the belief that this freedom and equality is currently under attack, but that the spirit of America will prevail and that we will not falter in pursuing the implementation of our modern interpretation of the belief that all men are created equal.
I am grateful for my friends and family. The last 6 weeks have been a trial for me in terms of my well being, both physical and mental. When you are truly down and getting up does not seem easy or possible, it's then that those who truly love you show their colors. They babysit you when you can't do for yourself (for one day or for two weeks!), they bring you food, they swing by simply to make you smile, they give you silly socks with images of raining cats and dogs... they call, they text, and they remind you that you do not have to "get up" on your own. They remind you that they are there to help you and that getting up with their help will be a lot easier - not to mention a hell of a lot more fun!
I am grateful for the life that I have been fortunate enough to build. I've found an amazing partner, a job that is truly fulfilling and challenging, and several communities of like-minded people who continue to show me that anything is possible. Whether it's keeping an animal shelter up and running, bringing a block-long "downtown main street" back to life with local business and community, or brainstorming sanity and action in a politically turbulent moment, I'm lucky to be surrounded by people that I admire and appreciate.
I am grateful for the many fighters and allies that have come before us. We may not know what the future holds, but we are starkly aware of the past. As such, we have exceptional models for how to engage, behave, and enact change. May we never, as a free people, cease to fight against injustice, bigotry, hatred, and fear.
May you all find peace and gratitude at your dinner table during this Thanksgiving season.
Wednesday, November 09, 2016
I am with LOVE
This is, I think, my first "political" post. Ever. But, don't worry... it will not really be about politics and it will not be a hate-filled rant. In fact, I would beg my friends, family, and those I don't know to avoid hate at this unbelievably important moment. Though, in my heart of hearts, I worry that for some people this isn't possible.
This post is about love. And hope. And overcoming the unbearable sadness, fear, and anxiety that currently floods my soul. And, it's about the love that I'm desperately going to search out and grow in my heart, even though it's currently hiding away somewhere. I must find it.
I must grab hold of that love for myself and my future as a woman in a society that has gestured toward a huge leap backward in terms of women's rights.
As an intellectual in a society that fears intelligence and education.
As a friend and ally to every person that I encounter regardless of race, creed, religion, gender, sexuality, and, yes, even political leaning, in a society that has increasingly and openly displayed hatred and fear and violence toward "others".
As a person who believes in the betterment of our world through kindness, consideration, tolerance, and love in a society that currently wants to divide human beings into categories of differentiation.
As an Aunt to beautiful nieces and nephews whose future relies upon our making fair and smart choices in a society that seems to offer fewer and fewer options for doing so.
Please know that this is not an attack on any one person or any one party or any one anything.
This is not a post about me being right and someone else being wrong.
This is not a post where I say that I hate the people who don't agree with me... that I hate those that think opposite to me.
I don't hate you.
I LOVE you.
All I ask is that you love me, too. And her. And him. And them. And us.
I'm not sure what the next few days or months or years or decades have in store for us. I'm not sure what they would have had in store for us had the election gone differently. I imagine the division of our nation's people would still exist and hatred would still be brewing, just in a different way. And, I believe that it would have surfaced in a more dangerous way - those telling me now to "shut the hell up and deal with it" would, I think, have a hard time doing that if the cards had fallen differently. And, it's this expression of anger and dominance that I want to fight.
In truth, I don't know how to do that... any more than the female suffragists initially knew how to fight for the vote or Rosa Parks knew how to fight for her seat on a bus. But, they figured it out, and so shall we. I believe that we can recover the love that I believe exists in my fellow people. Unfortunately, for now, all I can see from my seat on the bus is anger, hatred, boisterous arrogance, fear, and unbearable sadness. None of this is going to help us recover. None of this is going to help us survive. None of this is going to help us move forward.
We are at a scary tipping point in our world. We can either allow hatred and fear and power to threaten the freedoms that we, as a country and as a people, have held so dear, or we can fall victim to the divisive nature of history's mistakes.
And, to those who say that this isn't about hate. Please come to my classes, or those of my colleagues, and tell that to the students who fear that they will be deported, those that have asked us if they should "go home" because they are not welcome here, those who are AFRAID for their LIVES because the rhetoric of this political moment has been telling them that if they are different (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, etc.) they should be afraid not just for their rights but for their LIVES. Please tell me how that is not about fear-mongering and hate. Please tell them, because I am unable to do so.
And, to those that will say that I'm overreacting. I truly hope that you're right. I pray that now that this bitter and spite-filled election is over, our leaders and our people will find some semblance of sense and caring and consideration for others and find a way to bring our nation back together. I truly hope for that.
As hard as it is for me right now, and as much as I want to bury my head in the sand and cry for the loss of social growth and maturity that has been an amazing part of our GREAT country, I will not. I will simply tell myself and those around me over and over and over....
I am with LOVE.
I am with LOVE.
I am with LOVE.
I am with LOVE.
I am with LOVE.
This post is about love. And hope. And overcoming the unbearable sadness, fear, and anxiety that currently floods my soul. And, it's about the love that I'm desperately going to search out and grow in my heart, even though it's currently hiding away somewhere. I must find it.
I must grab hold of that love for myself and my future as a woman in a society that has gestured toward a huge leap backward in terms of women's rights.
As an intellectual in a society that fears intelligence and education.
As a friend and ally to every person that I encounter regardless of race, creed, religion, gender, sexuality, and, yes, even political leaning, in a society that has increasingly and openly displayed hatred and fear and violence toward "others".
As a person who believes in the betterment of our world through kindness, consideration, tolerance, and love in a society that currently wants to divide human beings into categories of differentiation.
As an Aunt to beautiful nieces and nephews whose future relies upon our making fair and smart choices in a society that seems to offer fewer and fewer options for doing so.
Please know that this is not an attack on any one person or any one party or any one anything.
This is not a post about me being right and someone else being wrong.
This is not a post where I say that I hate the people who don't agree with me... that I hate those that think opposite to me.
I don't hate you.
I LOVE you.
All I ask is that you love me, too. And her. And him. And them. And us.
I'm not sure what the next few days or months or years or decades have in store for us. I'm not sure what they would have had in store for us had the election gone differently. I imagine the division of our nation's people would still exist and hatred would still be brewing, just in a different way. And, I believe that it would have surfaced in a more dangerous way - those telling me now to "shut the hell up and deal with it" would, I think, have a hard time doing that if the cards had fallen differently. And, it's this expression of anger and dominance that I want to fight.
In truth, I don't know how to do that... any more than the female suffragists initially knew how to fight for the vote or Rosa Parks knew how to fight for her seat on a bus. But, they figured it out, and so shall we. I believe that we can recover the love that I believe exists in my fellow people. Unfortunately, for now, all I can see from my seat on the bus is anger, hatred, boisterous arrogance, fear, and unbearable sadness. None of this is going to help us recover. None of this is going to help us survive. None of this is going to help us move forward.
We are at a scary tipping point in our world. We can either allow hatred and fear and power to threaten the freedoms that we, as a country and as a people, have held so dear, or we can fall victim to the divisive nature of history's mistakes.
And, to those who say that this isn't about hate. Please come to my classes, or those of my colleagues, and tell that to the students who fear that they will be deported, those that have asked us if they should "go home" because they are not welcome here, those who are AFRAID for their LIVES because the rhetoric of this political moment has been telling them that if they are different (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, etc.) they should be afraid not just for their rights but for their LIVES. Please tell me how that is not about fear-mongering and hate. Please tell them, because I am unable to do so.
And, to those that will say that I'm overreacting. I truly hope that you're right. I pray that now that this bitter and spite-filled election is over, our leaders and our people will find some semblance of sense and caring and consideration for others and find a way to bring our nation back together. I truly hope for that.
As hard as it is for me right now, and as much as I want to bury my head in the sand and cry for the loss of social growth and maturity that has been an amazing part of our GREAT country, I will not. I will simply tell myself and those around me over and over and over....
I am with LOVE.
I am with LOVE.
I am with LOVE.
I am with LOVE.
I am with LOVE.
Thursday, November 03, 2016
Radio Silence
My apologies for the radio silence of late. Much has happened since my last post and it's been both good and bad.
After much pain. Much, much, much, pain. ALL of the pain... I went in for another surgery on my back. My disk had reherniated and the injury was not responding to therapy and the agony was simply too much to bear. So, I went back under the knife.
I'm glad that I did it because the pain was relieved immediately post-op. I'm already back on my feet and back to work (just two weeks post surgery) and feeling good. I'm still taking it very easy (don't worry, Mom!!!), but I'm amazed at the improvement so far.
While a lot of people are asking me about the future and what I will or won't be doing with myself, I'm not really thinking about that just yet. My mind is focused on healing and strengthening. I go back to the surgeon for a follow up in another 4 weeks... I imagine we'll have "the talk" then about what limitations I'm facing going forward.
For now... I'm grateful for the notes, calls, texts, meals, visits, and support that I've received from friends, family, and colleagues. Thank you SaraB for babysitting me the day after surgery when Mr Porkchop had to go to work.
And, I cannot in any way shape or form thank my dear Mr. Porkchop for his love and support and my Momma Porkchop for flying out to be my caretaker over the last two weeks. The road to recovery was so much smoother with you around. Plus, we just have a damn good time together. Thanks, Momma!!!!
After much pain. Much, much, much, pain. ALL of the pain... I went in for another surgery on my back. My disk had reherniated and the injury was not responding to therapy and the agony was simply too much to bear. So, I went back under the knife.
I'm glad that I did it because the pain was relieved immediately post-op. I'm already back on my feet and back to work (just two weeks post surgery) and feeling good. I'm still taking it very easy (don't worry, Mom!!!), but I'm amazed at the improvement so far.
While a lot of people are asking me about the future and what I will or won't be doing with myself, I'm not really thinking about that just yet. My mind is focused on healing and strengthening. I go back to the surgeon for a follow up in another 4 weeks... I imagine we'll have "the talk" then about what limitations I'm facing going forward.
For now... I'm grateful for the notes, calls, texts, meals, visits, and support that I've received from friends, family, and colleagues. Thank you SaraB for babysitting me the day after surgery when Mr Porkchop had to go to work.
And, I cannot in any way shape or form thank my dear Mr. Porkchop for his love and support and my Momma Porkchop for flying out to be my caretaker over the last two weeks. The road to recovery was so much smoother with you around. Plus, we just have a damn good time together. Thanks, Momma!!!!
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