Lateral Micro-Discectomy

That's what the surgery is called.

You're only eligible for this type of surgery if your disc is laterally herniated and your pain presents as leg/butt pain caused by a shooting nerve.  Enter... me.  Yep, I am a pretty awesome candidate for the surgery according to the spinal specialist.

If I even say the words, "Spinal Surgeon" to people, they kind of freak.  My dear friend Melissa and I went out for drinks last night and after I explained to her what might happen in a month or so, she says, "Phew - I was prepared to walk in here tonight and demand that you NOT have surgery.  But, you've put me at ease and now I think you should do it."

I understand the freak out.  Trust me.  I do.  More than you know.  After all, it's MY spine they're talking about messing around with!

Here's the skinny on my options at this point.

Option #1 - deal with the pain for the rest of my life.  (Unlikely)

Option #2 - continue with PT in the hopes that it becomes (and STAYS) manageable for the rest of my life.  Great option, but a bit scary considering how long I've been doing PT so far without relief.

Option #3 - a surgical procedure.

Now, before you jump on the "surgery is evil" bandwagon, let me explain what they will be doing to me - IF I decide to go through with it.

A 1.5-2 cm incision will lead them toward my spine.  They will cut away a small piece of bone (laminectomy) in order to gain access to my disc and nerves.  They will pull the nerves aside and then cut away a portion of the disc - the smallest portion possible - that is pushing on the nerves and causing me so much pain.  Then, they close me up and we're done. 45 minutes to an hour and I'm in recovery.

The post-op recovery ranges depending on your health, but some folks are up and walking and feeling good in 3-5 days.  I'm expecting a couple of weeks of recovery before I push anything.  Then a couple more before starting PT again.  Then, according to the surgeon, if all goes well, I should be back to my old self within 8-10 weeks.  In other words, 8 weeks after surgery (fingers crossed), I will be back to working out as I always have, back on the bike, back feeling good.

The success rate with this surgery is 85-90%.  10% of patients experience some re-herniation of the disc throughout the rest of their life.  6-7% experience little relief from the pain after surgery.

The surgery involves no fusing and no removal of discs in their entirety.

So, here's what's up.  I have been going to the gym and trying to stay active (Doctor's orders).  I'm continuing to do PT (of various kinds) to see if I can get relief through a conservative method.  If the semester ends and I'm still in the amount of pain I was in today, for example, I'm going to have one of the best surgeons in the region perform a lateral micro-discectomy on my back.

I'm happy with this.  Well, as happy as one can be with a scalpel aimed at your spine.

I feel as though I've done everything right so far.  I've followed all of the steps toward conservative therapy.  I've done everything I'm supposed to do.  At this point, I just want my life back.  I want to go through a day without constant pain.  I want to be able to sit, stand, ride my bike, swim, and hell, maybe even run again one day.  So, if I'm still feeling like this as of December 12th, you can send flowers and boxes of chocolates to the house, c/o Dr. Porkchop.

Light At the End of the Tunnel

So, for anyone who actually reads this blog (Hi, Mom!), you know that I've been dealing with my back issue for going on nearly a year now.  Technically, at least.

I first started feeling pain during cyclocross season last year.  It appeared as a burning sensation down the back of my right hamstring.  Like any good athlete with goals in mind, I completely ignored it.

After the season ended, it slowly dissipated and again, I forgot about it.

As I bega to gear up for the Spring race season, it reappeared - with a vengeance.  Apparently, it did not appreciate being ignored and decided that it would make itself readily known.  So, the pain came back and spread - to my butt and to the lower part of my leg.  And then the fun really started.

By May, I could barely walk.  I developed an intense lateral pelvic shift, had an MRI done to discover the herniated disc, and began a very painful series of Physical Therapy visits.  Once the shift was corrected (which took about 6 weeks), the pain lessened, but didn't go away.

The cortisone shot was supposed to help with that.  It didn't.  The pain "shifted," but didn't disappear.  I could no longer sit without searing pain down my leg and standing, while better at first, still leads into pain within an hour or two.

Back to another type of PT, which seemed to help a bit at first.  However, I've plateaued.  We can't get the pain to go away and it's beginning (haha) to get on my nerves (hahaha).

Back to the Ortho again resulting in the appointment with a spinal surgeon.

Now, for all you folks that are anti-surgery - trust me, I understand and I appreciate your dedication to PT and conservative forms of therapy.  I'm going to continue to try those until I've exhausted my options.  But, I've also got to know that there's a solution down the road.  If the PT works, GREAT!  I'll be happy and pain free and back on my bike.

But, if it doesn't - the surgery is the way to go.  I don't WANT surgery, mind you.  Anyone who would want someone slicing them open and cutting out a piece of them (just for the hell of it) has got to be a little bit loopy.  But, equally loopy would be the person who says, "Well, I know that there's something that can be done surgically with an 85-95% success rate.  But, I'd rather wallow in pain and misery for the rest of my life."

I am not loopy.  Well, not about this at least.

Consult

The word consult on it's own is just fine.

The word consult attached to "with the Spinal Surgery Specialist" is a bit more freaky.

Mon the Biff

Three of the most important words of the evening last night.  Mon. The. Biff.

I can't really explain that, except to say that if you're a fan of Biffy Clyro, you should already know what I'm talking about.

I was first introduced to Biffy a few years ago by my dear friend, Simon.  I became hooked pretty quickly and was particularly bummed when I missed a few shows at local spots like the North Star and a free show in Northern Liberties.  But all of that was forgotten after last night's front row viewing of the band at the Trocadero!  Best $11.00 I ever spent.

They were pretty awesome.  These guys play hard - and I do mean HARD!  They are a true rock band and the show was 100% proof of that.

They played quite a few of my favorite songs - a nice mixture of the new album and the older stuff.  And, I had a pretty good view of the show - from the front row!  It's been a VERY long time since I've been front row for something.  We were pretty close to the stage at the Killers a couple of months ago (maybe 4 people back or so), but the last time I was actually FRONT row was the Depeche Mode Devotional tour in 1993!

So, I came away from last night with some great photos, a nice video of Machines, and Simon's set list! Pretty cool night.

This will get stored away in a safe place with my Killers Konfetti from the Atlantic City show!  

The opening act was Morning Parade, an English band from Essex.  They were pretty great, too... I'll be picking up some of their stuff soon enough.

BACK for an update...

So, here's what's new in the world of my herniated disk... sigh...

The one cortisone shot that I received did something.  The number one thing that it did was shift my pain.  I'm not sure how that happened, but before the shot I could sit all day, but had trouble standing for longer than 20-30 minutes without agonizing pain.  Post shot, I can stand (after over an hour it gets a little sore), but can't sit for very long at all.  Shooting firey pain is an all too familiar feeling right now.

Before the shot, riding my bike was easy.  Now, it hurts.  Not. Good.

Before the shot, my leg felt ok in terms of weakness... a little weak, but not so bad.  After the shot, my leg feels like it's going to give out underneath me at least once a day.  It's very weak.

I went back to follow up with the pain doctor.  I was feeling ok when I went in to see him, so he told me just to come back if/when needed.  I see my Ortho in a couple of weeks, so I will see what happens there.

I started working with a new PT.  He does more mechanical manual manipulation intended to open up, stretch, and otherwise clear the path for the nerve to run without causing pain.  It certainly has helped some, but not as much as I'd hoped.

I've started swimming again - thank goodness our gym switched to salt water, so no allergic reaction to the chlorine! - and I continue to do the core work and stretches that the PT suggested.

Unfortunately, things are not good.  I'm still in a lot of pain... I'm still only sometimes able to stretch the way I need to for the PT's exercises to work.  I'm still pretty annoying to Mr. Porkchop who has to hear me wince and say ouch numerous times each day.  I'm still hopeful that something will work to make me feel better.  Unfortunately, I'm not as hopeful that this something is going to be non-invasive and "conservative."

I don't know what lies ahead for me in terms of this issue.  But, whatever is before me, I know that I have Mr. Porkchop by my side to make sure that I'm ok!  :)

The Post That's NOT About the Government Shut Down

Yeah, I'm no political blogger.  I have a few friends who can chat your ear off all day about politics and its evils.  I prefer to let them have it and move on to more important issues... like cookies and fluffy unicorns and piglets at the zoo...

These things, after all, are far more important, right?  Speaking of the important things in life... allow me to mention just a few that I think are significant before turning to someone far funnier than I to do the same...

1.  Don't forget to veg out... by this I don't mean literally wallowing in a slothful existence, but taking time for yourself once in a while.  And, yes...sometimes that means sitting in front of the television watching reruns of Three's Company.  Or, spending an hour swimming or riding a bike or knitting or reading or whatever.  We are too caught up in our work.  We've forgotten how good it can feel to veg out.
2.  Appreciate your own hypocrisy.  Yep... we are all hypocrites.  Some far worse than others, but we're all guilty.  I can speed down the freeway but will yell at the guy who speeds faster.  I've often heard the phrase "Universe of One" uttered by those who live in a "universe of one."  Acknowledge it and you're more likely to overcome it.

3.  Breathe Deeply... so that you can yell more loudly.  Sometimes you just have to yell, complain, bitch, moan, scream, sigh, plead, etc.  Take a deep breath before you do so... it will help you clear your mind so that your ensuing rant is more coherent and logical!

And now, for this guy...enjoy

Back to School, Back to School

I actually like the first few weeks of classes. 

The first few weeks provides a new opportunity every semester to establish the tenor of the classroom.  It allows me the chance to reinvent myself as a professor.  It allows me to introduce myself to a new crop of students and hope to win them over to a semester of hard work and major rewards.  And, most important...

It allows the students a clean slate. 

So many of us bring our baggage with us everywhere we go.  In some cases, it's quite literal, like the student one semester who brought a full-sized suitcase to class every day.  In others, it's all the stuff that has bogged us down in the past.  The failed exams, the shame spiral of absences, the attempt at going to such-and-such university, the loss of a job in the workplace.  Whatever we bring with us normally can be set aside in the first few weeks of a new class. 

I often tell my students that what they did before doesn't matter.  I don't care if you flunked Humanities before.  It wasn't THIS class.  And, even if it was, it wasn't THIS semester.  THIS class in THIS semester is our chance to discard all of that baggage.  Those excuses about why it didn't go well last time or what it was that held us back from the desired A+.  THIS class in THIS semester is our chance to start fresh.

What they often don't realize is that we professors, too, have our baggage.  Just before the semester began, I got my evaluations from last semester.  In general, they're good.  But, there's always the few students who circle "Strongly Disagree."  I take those rare bubbles VERY seriously.  I think back on the past semester and about what I may have done to one (or to several) students that would lead them to believe that I wasn't attentive to their grades, or that I wasn't available after class, or that I didn't provide proper feedback. 

And, every semester I change something.  Every semester, I try to make sure that those evaluations do not go unaddressed.  Every semester, I try to make sure that I am a better professor. 

I actually like the first few weeks of classes.

Bears, Needles, and Classrooms... OH MY!

Yeah, I've been pretty much a slacker lately.  At least, a slacker in terms of posting here.  But, not really a slacker, as I've been busy.

Last weekend was my last weekend of freedom before classes began on Tuesday.  So, I headed down to Virginia to ride bikes with a few teammates and friends.  We got rained on both days, but it was great.  I absolutely love riding in the mountains and the valleys of the Shenandoah.  It's gorgeous, the roads are long, winding, and generally empty of cars.  It allows me to really remember why I ride a bike.  I do it because it makes me feel happy and free.  It makes me feel like there's not much I can't do.  It reminds me that I am alive and that there is more to life than the daily grind.  And, it keeps me in contact with amazing people who share a love for the road. 

I finally saw my first wild bear!  It was standing on the side of the highway just out of the edge of the woods, contemplating how to get to the other side.  So, while I didn't get to really watch it or observe it as we drove past, my heart leapt!  FINALLY!  WAHOO!

I had another run in with a bear while we were down there... and I have the bruise to show for it.  See, we stayed at "Bear Lodge."  Of course, a house named like that would be covered with bear related decorations, right?  Well, as I was stepping into the bathroom and about to close the door, I stepped back into the bear shaped toilet paper holder.  WHAM - right into my hip.  Ouch.  That left a bruise.  Literally.  A bruise that the nurse asked me about this week when I went in for my procedure (to be described below).  The conversation went something like this:

"Um, you have a large bruise on your left hip."
Giggle, giggle, "Yeah, I ran into a bear shaped toilet paper holder."
"I'm not even going to ask."
Giggle, giggle - injection of sedation meds - zzzzzz....

Yesterday was my cortisone injection.  I was nervous about it.  I've never had an IV, never been sedated (not counting sedation for dental work), and the thought of someone shoving giant needles into my back was exciting (would I REALLY be out of pain?!?!) and a bit scary (that's my SPINE that you're messing with!).

The staff at the surgical center were great.  They made me laugh and kept me warm and calm.  The IV pinched a bit, but once it was in, I rather forgot that it was there.  They wheeled me into the operating room, made a few jokes about how they had to call me Dr. and then I was laying face down on the table.  Within 20-30 seconds of the injection of sedation meds, I was out cold. 

I woke up in recovery with Mr. Porkchop next to me.  He asked how I was feeling, I said that I was fine.  They told me a few things, some of which I actually remembered later.  Mostly, I just wanted to go to sleep.  And eat.  But, sleep was more pressing. 

I fell asleep in the car on the way home, managed to get up to bed, and woke up about 3 hours later.  My first thought was, wow, the pain is not totally gone, but it is a lot better! 

I am cautiously optimistic.  I have to call the doctor on Monday to let him know how I'm feeling.  We may do another procedure soon if the pain isn't reduced by 80%.  But, my initial thought is that we won't do another shot for a while.  We'll see how the weekend goes!  Fingers crossed!

Bonkage

I rode a lot this week.  More than I've ridden since April.  And, I rode pretty hard.

For me, at least.

I keep having to remind myself that I was couch-bound for over 2 months.  I feel a little bit of frustration that I'm just not strong like I'd like to be.  But, I have to smack myself in the head and remind myself that just a few weeks ago, I could barely walk.

This week included one major bonk and one less major bonk during rides.  Bonking sucks.  It's not just your legs feeling tired and not able to push a decent pace.  It's like your lights just go out entirely.  You stop thinking of anything other than the fact that you feel like crud.  Then, you stop thinking about that and just become a bit of a zombie on two wheels.  The major bonk lasted for the rest of the evening, just never quite coming back around to feeling normal.  The minor one was over as soon as I was able to slow down on the bike and just find my internal rhythm again.  And, of course, by being distracted from the pain and cruddy feeling by those around me.

One ride this week was a blessing in that I was riding with a Med Student whose speciality is sport/spinal work.  She already works as a PT and is going back for her DO.  She listened to my litany of presentations and symptoms and gave me some great advice on what I might try going forward.  Because of this conversation, I'm less nervous about the fact that I'll be getting an epidural shot next week and I'm trying out a new Physical Therapist the following week.  Because of this conversation, I'm feeling better about my recovery and about my prognosis going forward.  So, a HUGE thank you goes out to my Wednesday riding buddy!!  THANK YOU!

So, I'm tired tonight.  Very tired.  But, I'm also satisfied.  I know that I have amazing people around me who want to see me make a full recovery and who are willing to put up with the Grumpy-Chop on occasion as I struggle to get there.  I now have a better idea of what really might be going on inside this bod of mine and I'm anxious to get some new eyes and new ideas in the recovery mix.  I am now ready to focus on the next set of things in life...

A new contract at work - FINALLY!!
In-service week with my awesome colleagues.
The start of classes with a new fleet of (hopefully wicked cool) students.
A team weekend in the mountains.
The lovely season of long weekend rides watching the leaves change color.

But first...
A trip to the zoo and the beach with Mr. Porkchop!  :)

Decompressing

The last few days have been about decompressing.  There were so many things this summer that I was looking forward to...

Defending my dissertation.
Submitting my dissertation.
Celebrating with friends and family.
My parents visiting.
Getting some work done around the house.
Prepping for Fall classes.
Racing my bike with my teammates.

And now... most of those things are over.  The big party was this past weekend.  My mom and dad drove out from Wyoming (yep, DROVE out!) to celebrate with us.  They've since headed back home.  It's very sad every time they leave because I do love being around them.  If only I could figure out a way for us all to live on the same side of the country, I'd be pretty happy.  Alas... maybe one day!

The thing about having so much to look forward to is that, once it's over, you're kind of left in a lurch.  So, I'm in a funk now.  So, in order to avoid the funk, I've been trying to find things to do.  I work on stuff around the house (painting the front steps and front door - those faded out shutters are next!), revamping my entire online course to the new system (again), rethinking the readings for my Humanities class (again), putting the finishing touches on my article that's due in a month.

But, all of this is really just feeling like busy work.

I'm mentally tired.  I'm emotionally worn out.  While I'm aware of it, there's not much I can do to change it right now.  I'm way too sensitive about certain things.  And, some things are just finally catching up to me.  I think I just need a few days somewhere beautiful (the beach, the mountains, somewhere) to relax, think of nothing but what I've managed to accomplish over the past few months, and just get recharged.

Maybe I can make that happen...

Dinner's On Me!

I went out to my first crit (post-injury) yesterday.  It was a small field of 15 riders, but there were definitely some strong legs out there.  A couple of fast ladies from the Farm Team showed up, and there was a collegiate national champion in the ranks.  It was NOT going to be an easy race.  However, with teams being represented with (at most) two riders, it also was not going to be a constant attack fest.

There were some surprisingly big primes on the line for the day - several $20 prizes, one was $50 and another was $100.  VERY impressive Wachtung Wheelmen.  VERY impressive.  Not to mention $750 payout 10 deep for our field.  Why this race doesn't generate more interest is beyond me, but I plan to try to get it on the team's radar for next year!  We could rack up some serious cashola if we brought out the big guns for this one!!

So, I had a feeling that it would come down to a field sprint - NOT my cup of tea, but whatever.  I was feeling surprisingly good, and at one point, I launched a rather fruitless attack.  Nonetheless, I got off the front solo.  I settled in to a nice TT pace and passed through the finish line.  When I came through the second time, they called a 2-deep prime... $50 for 1st, $20 for 2nd.  OH, CRAP.  I knew that meant that #1 - I had a shot at $50 and #2 - they were going to chase like banshees!

So, I put my head down, gritted my teeth, and just hauled butt.  I made it to the line for the prime, with another rider about half a bike length behind for the $20.  PHEW!  But, then... I had to survive.  The next 45 seconds were BRUTAL.  I had burned myself up on that flyer and with my fitness still coming around, it was NOT pleasant.  But, I managed to get enough air and enough power in my legs to hang on at the back.

Of course, this completely blew me for the finish, so I had a terrible final result.  BUT - I raced hard.  I cannot look at that race and be upset in ANY way.  I jumped away from a field for 2.5 laps!  I won a $50 prime!!  I am back on the bike and feeling good!

Thanks to Mike for driving us up there and for getting us home in the pouring, flooding rain of South Jersey.  I'm SO sorry that it took you another HOUR to get the 7 miles back to your house!  I owe you... BIG TIME!  :)

Happy Birthday, Grams!

My grandmother turns 88 today.  She's an amazing woman.  She's spunky, she's funny, she loves life, she loves her family, and she has lived a wonderful life.

A couple of years ago, we armed ourselves with a recorder and asked her questions about her life.  She told us about meeting my grandfather.  Their first kiss.  And, about how she told her mom he was a few years younger than he really was because her mother would kill my 18-year-old grandmother for dating a man who was 25!

She told us about the great flood in Cincinnati in 1937 when the house downtown was flooded up to the third floor windows and she and her mom took a boat back to the house to try to save the family bird.  She watched her mother climb in the 3rd story window only to find that the bird had died and all of the furniture from the first two floors was floating.



The family still owns and lives in that house today - running the nearly 100 year old pickle factory out of the basement.  And, my grandmother goes there every Saturday to help pack pickles, clean jars, and stick on labels.

My grandfather passed away in 1995.  He was an amazing man that I wish I had known better.  He was funny, hard-working, handsome, and tough.  I'm lucky that I am learning about him from my mother, my aunts and uncles, and my grandmother.  And, I am very grateful that I am taking the time to know my Grams better while I have the chance.

Happy 88th Birthday, you spunky little lady.  I love you dearly and can't wait to hear some more stories about your amazing life soon!

Is There a Doctor in the House?!?

Um... yes, yes, there is!!

I did it!  Officially and finally!  I defended this afternoon and was officially passed - my paperwork signed - my title given.  I am Dr. Porkchop!

The short of it is this... I presented my work for 20 minutes in front of my committee members, my parents, sister and brother-in-law (who were there via Skype), my porkfectly wonderful hubby, 2 Temple grad students, and 4 of my favorite colleagues from work.

After the 20 minutes, the committee members took turns asking me some questions.  Then, the audience  asked a few questions.  Then, the committee asked us all to leave so that they could chat.  A few minutes later, they called me back in and congratulated me!  And, officially called me Dr. for the first time.  WOW.

So, that's it.  I have to send the electronic document to the server before August 5th and then, I just have to wait for my diploma to arrive in the mail!

I documented the day, or at least most of it, in photos... so, here they are...

5:30 am: Wake Up
6:00 am: Ride

8:00 am: get home from ride, shower, eat, drink coffee, do crossword puzzle, stress out

10:45 am: arrive on campus to see these posted all over the place!

11:15 am: get into classroom, turn on computer, load powerpoint, give myself a pep talk from Kid President...

12:00 - 1:45 pm: Defend, defend, defend.  Leave the room to await deliberations.

1:50 pm: Declared a Doctor!

WOO HOO!

A Shiny New Jersey Jersey

So, Sunday was my first race back since April 21st.

When I looked back at my results and realized it had been nearly 3 months since I raced my bike, I was very sad.  And, very grateful.  Two months ago, I literally couldn't walk.  I was in excruciating pain.  I was debilitated.  And, I feared that it would never get better.

So, the fact that I was even there on Sunday seemed to be a blessing to me.  65 miles with 50 riders - mostly men in the 55/65+ categories, I hoped that I would be able to hang on to the main group and stay in for the finish.  With only 5-6 women in the field, I was hoping for a podium!  Silly, I know, but it was a goal!

The pack essentially stayed together for the whole race.  While there were a few solo attacks off the front, it wasn't in the cards for anyone to stay away on the pancake flat course.  A few riders dropped off the back as the pace got lifted in the 4th lap, but I felt comfortable and strong sitting in the middle of the field.

As we came through the final lap, I gave Kristin and Chuck a thumbs up and just focused on the finish. I got as close to the other women as I could, knowing that I needed to watch them toward the line.

As we hit 500 meters to go, the field began to stretch out across the road.  I made the instinctual move left and it was a good decision.  A little kerfuffle on the right side of the road held up some riders, but I was able to move past it on the left to sprint for the line - as much as a Porkchop can sprint, that is.

One female rider, Caryl Gale, finished in front of me (and 5th overall!), and I came in at 15th overall and 2nd in the women's field!  PODIUM!!  Wahoo!

Once I got over to the podium ceremony, I found out that I had gotten MORE than a podium...  I was the only 35+ woman in the race, so I actually got a NJ State Road Race Championship jersey and a W!

Even though I was the only 35+ woman in the field, I'm stoked to have had such a good first race back.  It's given me the confidence to keep riding and keep training.  I'm looking forward to getting back out there with the team and having fun with them for the rest of the race season and into the beautiful realm of fall riding... :)

Thanks to my awesome pit crew (Borda and Mr. Porkchop), thanks to Specialized for making the Amira (she's the best steed, ever!!), and thanks to Mother Nature for providing us the woods in which we all relieved ourselves after the director of the Mullica Recreation Park decided to spite the cyclists and remove all but one of the porta-potties the night before the race.  Shame on you, meanie-face.  

The Post That Leads To AWESOME!

I needed to watch this again last night.  I went out to Greentree for the first time since May.  It was rough.  I knew that it would be... but it was rough.  Within a few laps, I was gasping for air and my legs were screaming.  Within a few more, I was popped.  I hopped back in, lasted a few minutes longer than the first time... then popped again for the final time.  Did I mention that it was rough??  

But, I was in there.  I was surrounded by friends - those who want to see me come back - and it was great.  The feeling of kicking my own butt out there with the guys was fantastic, even if I couldn't hold a wheel to save my life.  Next week will be better.  I'm certain of it.

My defense is now less than a week away.  I'm excited, a bit scared and nervous, but also strangely calm.  I've been working on cutting down my talk to under 20 minutes.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to cover a 200 page dissertation in 15-20 minutes?!?  Holy CRAPOLY!!  This is a magic act in and of itself... not to mention that I have to present this naturally without straying too far from what I want to say and without speed talking!  Wowza.  It's gonna be great!

So, I have a feeling that I will watch this video a few more times before next Wednesday... thanks for the pep talk, Kid President!!

Back in the Saddle Again

This past week/weekend saw me attending 2 races...though I wasn't racing, I was helping out my team and the Heart House team in the feed zone at the PA and NJ State Road Races.  It was fun to be around the team again and my heart felt better being with them.  

So, Sunday, Borda and I headed down to Badger's house for a ride and a sponsor-based photo shoot!  We needed to take some pics for our great sponsor Beyer Kia and for our new friends at ProGold.  So, it was Badger, Little D, Borda, and me out for a spin.  We just hung around in "the park" near Badger's house, but we did a climb and we didn't dawdle.  Afterwards, we went out for lunch.  When we stood up from the table, I was shocked.  No pain.  None.  For about 10 minutes.  Then, a little bit started to come back in. 

Several times over the next 24 hours, I realized that I was actively moving and feeling no pain.  This is the first time that I can say that since MAY.  The pain is not gone.  Not entirely... but, I am feeling SO much better.

So, we hit the Action Wheels ride last night.  It was great.  I had a blast and felt good on the bike.  Borda had to do long intervals today, so I joined her for those this morning.  By 9:00, I'd put in more miles in the last three days than in the last 2 months!  And, I'm still feeling GREAT!

I have decided to take tomorrow off, hit Greentree on Thursday night, and race in the NJ Masters State Road Race on Sunday.  I'm truly hoping that this is it... that I am back in the saddle for good.  But, trust me... I am extremely attentive to my body right now.  When it tells me that enough is enough, I will listen.  But, for now, the bod is telling me to just do it!  

Back in the saddle again...

Intolerance and The Art of Letting Go

In the age of social media, you often find out more about what is on the mind of your friends than you ever thought possible.  In fact, in most cases, you learn more than you ever wanted.  You find out about their quirks (in odd and sometimes uncomfortable ways), you discover their likes and dislikes, and you uncover the limits of their tolerance for others.

I, personally, find intolerance intolerable.  Yep, I completely see the hypocrisy of that statement.  But, it's true.  The more I learn about people, the more I realize that intolerance is a sickness from which many of us desperately need a vaccination.  And, I admit it... I am intolerant of intolerance.  I find the blatant hatred of different groups, cultures, religions, political parties, or other "differences" appalling.  Don't get me wrong... I dislike some people.  But, I tend to dislike them due to their personal actions, not because they're part of some grouping that has been socio-culturally created.

Recent interactions with those whose intolerance is ignited by things like skin color, religious denomination, or what side of my head I choose to part my hair (by the way, if you don't part on the right, you're WRONG!), has opened my eyes.  I'm desperately working on my own intolerance.

My intolerance to those who drive like idiots.
My intolerance to those who always put themselves above everyone else.
My intolerance of annoying commercials.
My intolerance of the news media.
My intolerance of intolerance.

As Gandhi once said, "Anger and intolerance are the enemies of correct understanding."

I would bet that Gandhi was also intolerant of intolerance.  And, I bet he struggled with it as we all do.

I suppose that it's all part of the Art of Letting Go.

I know that I've just quoted Gandhi, so quoting the woman who wrote "Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul" might seem like a downshift.  However, I think that this statement has tons of validity and truth to it... "Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore.  It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself."

I'm trying to listen to advice from a very good friend about letting go.  It's such a hard thing to do, and I'm realizing that my personality is such that I am always trying to "fix" things that are going wrong...even if the attempt is futile and the thing really isn't worth fixing.  I've done this for a long time, and I'm always disappointed when I can't fix what I see as broken.

Through talking with her, I've realized that I've been trying to fix the wrong thing.  I cannot fix others.  I cannot make people more tolerant.  I cannot make them realize that they are headed down the wrong path.  I cannot make them see things my way if they absolutely refuse.  I cannot help them if they're happy in the situation that they have chosen.  All I CAN do is look at myself, realize that I am unhappy with the current status quo, and get myself out of it.  All I can control is ME.

So, here you have it.  My July 4th resolutions... Cultivate Tolerance and Practice the Art of Letting Go.

Wish me luck.

The Post Without a Schnazzy Name

I don't even know what to call this post....

I Can't Believe I Just Emailed That...?

Holy Crap, This is Great News...?

The Best Week Ever...?

I suppose that all of those would be viable.

I know that it's only Tuesday, though, so the last one might be a tad preemptive.  Still, it's been a pretty daggon good start to the week!

The best Monday EVER began with a bike ride with Borda.  We started out from her house and it was overcast, but cool.  About 20 minutes in, the sky opened and the rain began.  It drizzled, then it drizzled harder, then it was just an awesome steady rain.  I loved EVERY SECOND of it.  I was on my bike.  I was with one of the greatest gals ever.  I was happy.  And, I was feeling good.

Turns out, the best thing for my (still painful) sciatic nerve is riding my bike and stretching more than I've ever stretched in my life!  After two solid days on the bike and two solid days of stretching sessions, I am feeling REALLY good and am actually optimistic that I'm going to only get better from here on out.

We then spent about 6 hours of our Monday at the Crescent Moon coffee shop (best Toffee Cream Bars, EVER!!) working.  I finished editing my dissertation while Borda studied for her Final Exam.  At about 3:45pm yesterday, I emailed the final version of my dissertation to my committee (I Can't Believe I Just Emailed That!) and my defense announcement to the secretary of the department.  The announcement went out this morning (this thing is now officially happening on the 17th!!) and all of my advisors responded saying that they got the document and were looking forward to reading it.

I woke up this morning to more rainy weather, so I decided to ride my bike on the trainer rather than get soaked again.  A nice spin left me feeling good and stretched out without a lot of pain in my sciatic!  YESSSS!!!

And then, I got an email.  I knew from the sender's name that it was about an article that I'd sent in for consideration for publication.  My laptop was acting a bit screwy, so it took like a zillion minutes (ok, maybe it was about 10 seconds) to open.  Once it did, I realized that my paper had been... accepted!!!

HOLY CRAP, This Is GREAT News!!!  I'm going to have part of my dissertation published in a peer-reviewed journal in early 2014.

Wow, wow, wow!

So, as I said... it's only Tuesday, so it might be a bit early to declare the Best Week Ever.  Still, it's in the running...

T-Minus 3 Weeks

And definitely counting...

July 17th is the big day.  Defense day.  If all goes well, I'll be declared Dr. Porkchop sometime that afternoon!  I can hardly believe that the day is so fast approaching, but I'm ready.  I feel confident that I've produced a solid dissertation with some really unique, original, interesting, and fun material.  I feel that I will be more than ready to present and defend my work.  And, I'm lucky and grateful to have a crew of supporters that will be there for the event, including my amazing colleagues, my hubby, and my parents (via Skype!!).  I have no doubt that it will be a great day and I'm actually starting to look forward to it.

Of course, there is MUCH to be done before then.  I've designed my flyer, which will be sent to the entire University early next week.  I'm now doing proofread #1 of the entire dissertation.  This proofread is just for minor errors.  Proofread number two will be for formatting and all of that jazz.  And then, the whole thing will be sent to all of my committee members for a final read before the defense. 

And, of course, I have to prepare my defense.  A twenty minute presentation of my work.  Twenty minutes sounds like a long time, right?  Yeah... not so much.  I could probably fill half of that time just talking about WHY I chose this topic.  But, I have to do that AND give a thorough explanation of my entire dissertation in twenty minutes.  Yipes.  Brevity.  Yes, I must cultivate brevity. 

What's New, Magoo?

So, let's start with someone else's life, shall we?  I'm still waiting to hear the news of Baby A's arrival.  Though she's now 1 week late, I know that her mother has given her an eviction notice, so her arrival is imminent.  I can't wait to get the text that she's on her way, or here... and I'm really excited to get to meet her later! 

I've been back on the bike.  It's been pretty good, actually.  I mean, I did some 1 minute intervals today.  They sucked.  I suck.  My fitness is completely gone and I was not even close to being able to hold a moderate wattage for even 1 stinking minute.  But, I was smiling the ENTIRE ride!!  I'm on my bike!!  And, it generally feels pretty damn good.  

We joined the local swim club.  It's been nice to sit out in the sun near a pool into which we can hop when we get overheated.  It's not a big place and it's nothing fancy - just the local dive (so to speak), but we like it and it's fun to have a place to go together.  

My defense is just on the horizon.  I think that my sister is going to be in town for the event, so I'm REALLY excited about that.  I'm looking forward to it all being over and being done with this whole thing.  With just a bit left to do, I'm trying not to run out of steam.

Two days left of teaching and the final and I'm on official vacation until the Fall semester starts back up.  7 weeks of freedom to ride my bike, work on some grant writing for the Animal Shelter, prep my fall classes (both online and live), and spend some quality hours soaking up some much needed Vitamin D!  

Bring it on!