Wait... What Happened???

WTF?

No, seriously... WTF??  When did it stop being summer?  When did it become November?

Because... for serious...

It's NOVEMBER!!  What the hell happened to my life that I've not posted on here since August?

Well, let's see... the semester began and I've been utterly swamped with work.  Our free time and weekends have been taken up by weddings, trips to Sleepy Hollow (spooooooky), concerts, conferences, and other family fun events.  I suppose the best option here is my standard photo montage of our last couple of months.  So... without further ado... and in no particular order...

 Kaleo at the Tower Theater - by far one of the best shows I've seen to date.

 Little Brother-In-Law's wedding.

 Bathroom renovation!

Sick kitty post surgery (POOR BABY!!!!)... she's much better now!  THANK GOODNESS!!

 Bastille at the Filmore.

Met some famous people at Heroes and Villains in NJ.

Spent a sunny day with Ms. Bubbles... the coolest shelter dog.

Sleepy Hollow Pumpkin Blaze.  Totally rad.

 Spooky Cemetery Tour!!

 Mom and Dad at the Rodin Museum!

Little Sister-In-Law got married, too.

That brings us to early November.  I'm tired, but happy.  Exhausted, but optimistic.  Looking forward to the end of 2017 and the start of a new year.  

To Pig, or Not to Pig...

This year has been one of great change.  Retiring from racing has been challenging mentally and emotionally.  Physically, I've been lucky to replace one sport with another one that doesn't cause me pain.  So, getting in the pool has been a literal lifesaver for me.

And, you know... swimming is a lot cheaper than cycling... so, I've managed to save a lot of money this year!  Which is pretty cool.

But, I still miss so much about the cycling scene.  The people.  The speed.  The travel to awesome places.  My team. 

Since I've not been putting out lots of $$ on bikes and such this year, I have funneled that money to other things: our bathroom remodel fund (which is currently being spent - more on that in a future post!!), a tattoo (sorry, Mom!!!), and I recently decided that I would go from bike racer to bike SPONSOR.

Yep... I've decided to sponsor the team for the next two years!  It feels like a good way to put some of my money back to a team that gave me so much in such a short time.  So, for the next two years, the Riptide-CAWES kits will include a little magic piggy... with WINGS! 

Though the new kit has yet to be revealed, I know that they are going to be amazing.  And, I'm proud to have my "face" appear on them! 

The decision to become a sponsor was so easy.  It just felt totally natural to step into that role after years of being the beneficiary of so many amazing sponsors.  How could I not give back?  

It's Not Gutsy, It's Irresponsible

What I'm about to talk about is, unfortunately, not a new trend.  But, I suppose, with the rise of social media, it's become more and more popular.  And, more and more disturbing.

We all know that professional athletes train more than regular folks.  We all know that their livelihood relies on their physical ability to perform on a daily basis.  We all know that with a fleet of doctors and physical therapists and trainers and coaches and nutritionists and chefs, they are well taken care of and looked after.

But, we also know that they are asked to ignore common sense on a regular basis.  "Oh, you fell off your bike at 55 mph, shattered your helmet, got road rash on 60% of your right side, and may have a broken finger/wrist/shoulder/back.... suck it up, keep going... we NEED you."

Quite simply, the glorification of athletes "pushing through" injury MUST stop.

Between football player's brains turning to mush and them being downright thrilled about the possibility, to describing a cyclist finishing the three week Tour de France with a fractured vertebrae in his back as "gusty", we are NOT setting the right example to young people (or ANY people) who enjoy competing in sport.

The number of times that someone has said to me in the last year that I'll race bikes again is crazy.

No.  I.  Won't.

I'm not even sure that I'll RIDE bikes again.

What about "I'd really like to be able to walk when I'm 70" don't you understand??  My health in the long term is more important than winning $20 at a local bike race while my back undergoes even more permanent damage.  As it is, I have no doubt that before I die, I'll have my vertebrae fused together.  A disc as damaged as mine can only take so much wear and tear before it will simply give out like a wet paper towel being loaded with marbles.

But, this is where we are... people are more vehemently denying football concussion studies than Trump in a room full of climate change scientists.

Parents of young kids would rather indulge their desire to have the next Payton Manning in their home than give a crap if their kid can count to ten after he's been tackled by a 250 pound 12-year old 36 times.

But, in a world where we pay athletes $93 MILLION dollars a year (not including winnings and endorsements) and we pay teachers $30,000 (and then claim that they don't deserve it!!)... how can we expect anything different??

You only get one body, folks.

Use it wisely.

Come on You SPURS!!

I woke up yesterday morning with a sore face.  Yes, you read that correctly.  My cheeks were killing me.  And, then I remembered why; I spent about 2.5 hours the evening before with the stupidest giant grin on my face.  I was sitting 8 rows from the pitch watching my favorite British soccer team play on NJ soil.  I simply couldn't stop smiling, even after they lost the match.  Boooooo!

I've been a Tottenham Hotspur fan for I don't even know how many years now.  Originally, they became "my" team because of this website.  Now, the description of the Spurs that appeared there many years ago was different than what you see today... naturally.  But, I remember it talking about their gumption and guts, their lack of swagger, and their raw talent.  And, it talked about their fans.  Loyal folks who stand by them whether they win or lose, play great or fumble around the pitch like their cleats are 7 sizes too big.  It was that description of loyalty that sounded to me like a Detroit Red Wings fan!  We love our wings, no matter what.  And, yes, Steve Yzerman IS the best captain the NHL ever saw.  Period.  Done.  End of argument.  (Don't even start with me, Mr. Porkchop!!)

Sitting in that stadium and watching these guys play was truly awesome.  After all, it may well have been (though I sincerely hope NOT) a once in a lifetime chance to see them play in person.  The stadium was primarily Spurs fans - maybe a 75-25 split? - so, it felt very much like being at a "home game."  That made it equally awesome - with the local Spurs club leading chants from the seats behind the goal and "Come on, you Spurs!" occasionally echoing through the stadium as a whole.

#33 - my favorite player, Ben Davies

#23 Christian Erickson... watching him play was AMAZING.  The guy is EVERYWHERE at once.  

Leaping up from my seat when the Spurs finally saw the back of the net was so awesome!  Even though a draw was thwarted by a pretty ugly goal by Roma with just a few seconds left to play, I cannot express how happy I was to have been there.  What a game!

A huge thanks goes out to my fellow match goers: Brian, Don, Bill, Rich, and Dexter.  Watching Dexter's eyes turn into saucers when he got 8 rows up from the pitch was amazing.  I am so glad that I shared that experience with all of you.

Live As You Wish To Live

Oscar Wilde once said, "Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live."

I've been thinking about this lately.  Trying to make conscious efforts to allow those around me the space to live as they need to.  Trying to accept living the way that I need to.  And, seeing the beautiful places where those two things intersect, while accepting the locations where those two things diverge irrevocably.

We live in a curious world... where individuals are beholden to one another in a variety of ways.  Our lives come together in marriage, family, friendship, or vocation and we are asked to live together.  And yet, we are all distinct.  Separate.  Unique.

So, how do we balance that scale?  How do we ensure that we are living the life we want and need, but still respect, support, and fortify the lives of those around us?

While I'm certainly not suggesting that I have the answer, I do think that I've uncovered an answer.  So, here's my pseudo-philosophical view:

We DON'T balance the scale.  Because, here's the thing about all of those immutable intersections.  People always want to change them.  To change him.  Or her.  Or themselves.  But, it is precisely those moments of conflict that make life ours to live.  Letting the scale throw itself constantly out of balance, without losing sight of who we are, is the real challenge of life.

It's not to say that we need to have those people in our lives.  Sometimes they exist to show us who or what we are.  Just like that, they enter our lives, show us a truth about ourselves, and then exit. And, we must be grateful for that.

Other times, those who seem to be so directly opposite of us end up being those who mean the most.  They provide the song to which we never would have listened, but to which we now dance with absolute abandon.  And, we must be grateful for that.

In all of this, we must continue to live the life that we wish to live.  While we do, we must hope that others will share in that life.  In the way that they wish to live.

b. July 29, 1952 - d. July 4, 2017

Watching fireworks last night was not what it's been in the past.  As the rockets shot and the colors flared, a sight that historically plasters a stupid cheeky grin on my face, my eyes simply welled with tears.  The 4th of July is forever changed for us... for our family... it will now always be the day that Charlie left us.

Today still doesn't seem quite real.  The loss of my father in law is really just too great to fathom right now.  We had so many things we wanted to do.  So many things we wanted to SAY.  But, no time in which to do or say enough.

Still, I need to try to remember and hold onto everything that I can.

I need to remember how I felt the day that I realized I was dating "the Captain's son."  And, how scared I was of him at first!

I need to remember how he treated me like his daughter from DAY ONE.

I need to hold dear the way in which he welcomed me into his home - literally giving me a place to live every summer for 6+ years.

I need to bask in how he welcomed me into his family, how he cared so deeply about his son and about me to always be there for us.

I need to remember the sound of his voice when he'd walk into the room and say, "What's up, Bub?"

And even more the sound of him yelling, "Get your shit and GIT!" after morning roll call.

I need to hold close the eye rolls and silly grins and laughs and hugs.

I need to remember that so many of the things that were wonderful about Charlie exist in his son.

• Their FIERCE love and loyalty for their friends and families.  
• Their love of sports, sports history, and sports factoids.
• Their love of books - which they often shared back and forth.
• Their refusal to wear pants!  Who needs pants, when you have shorts???
• Their love of the beach and the water.
• Their dedication as coaches and teachers - changing the lives of kids who didn't have much, but who had desire and talent.
• The way that the are and were loved by SO many people.

And, some of the not-so-wonderful parts, too - the snoring for example, right, Debbie???

I know that our lives will never be the same, now that Charlie is gone.  But, I know that my life is better for having had him in it.  After all, he gave me my Chuck.  And, I can never thank him enough for that.

And, I will keep my final promise to him... I will take care of your boy, Chal.  Until my dying day.

Finally Found What I'm Looking For

When I was 10 years old, I heard a song.  I don't remember exactly which song I heard first... but I remember stopping dead in my tracks and thinking that I'd never heard anything quite like it. 

I had overheard my sibling playing U2's The Joshua Tree album.

That was it.  It was over.  I was hooked.  Line. And. Sinker.

I have never stopped listening to U2.  I've seen them in concert a half dozen times now since the early nineties - at the Palace in Auburn Hills, at Giants Stadium in New Jersey, and last night at Lincoln Financial Field in Philly.  Every show I've seen has been phenomenal in it's own way.  

But, about last night.  

With my best friend of over 20 years by my side, I finally saw the concert I'd always dreamed of seeing.  Raw. Simple. Powerful. Amazing.  It was all that U2 has always claimed to be.  And, all they've been to me - an Irish band with a strong love for an America that we all wish existed (and perhaps it does). With a dash of maturity, a humility that was brazenly absent during the ZOO TV and MacPhisto days, and a return to the pure sound of their beginnings, U2 commanded the 50,000 person stadium by playing the Joshua Tree cover to cover - along with some other amazing tunes thrown in for good measure.  

From the soft pleading of With or Without You to the cacophony of guitar and drums of Exit, I heard The Joshua Tree with fresh ears and a heart in desperate need of healing.  Individually and as an album, the songs spoke to me anew.  Bono's passion, The Edge's calculated precision, Adam's thundering bass lines, and Larry's simple ease were on full display.  

Last night, four Irish gents spent their Father's Day with 50,000 "kids" that they've helped raise.  They don't know us.  But, yet they know us.  And, we certainly know them.  

No Video!

I'm afraid that there's no video this time... but, who wants to watch me swim a 500 Free anyway?  That's right... my mom does.

Sorry, Mom.

Anyway... I swam another meet this past weekend.  I wanted to give some longer events a try, so I did the 500 Free and the 200 IM.  I wanted to do more events, but it was a long weekend already with a day of DS-ing at Wilmington and a house guest for the weekend, so I kept it to just those two.

It's been about 20 years since I swam the 500 Free in a meet, and at least 17 years since I've done the 200 IM.  So... I was a tad nervous.  And excited.

The excitement is clear from my insane first 100 in my 500.  I went out in a 1:03.  HAHAHAH!  What the HELL was I thinking???

The second 100 was a 1:09, and the rest were steady at 1:10-1:12.  Not exactly the splits that I had in mind, but I met two important goals with the event as a whole and my stupid starting 200.  I completed the whole event in 5:49... well under the 6 minute mark for which I was shooting.

AND... I managed to grab THREE National cuts in one event.  The 100 Free (just barely, but I got it), the 200 Free, AND the 500 Free.  Woot woot.  More options for next year at Indy!  YES!

The 200 IM was more fun than I remembered!  I LOVE this race.

I felt super strong and very comfortable on the Fly... taking it out in a 31.72.  No doubt that I can shave at least a second or more off of that first 50.

In typical Porkchop fashion, my Backstroke and Breaststroke legs were... well, horrific.  I'm determined to get some speed back in those two strokes, and have already begun focusing on them in practice.  I'm certain that between the two 50s, I can drop another 5 seconds or so... but, it's going to take some time.

I brought it home in a 33.61.  Meh.  OK for the last 50 of a 200, but again... I think I can make that a better split.

In short, I was absolutely thrilled to look up at the board and see that I'd gone sub-2:30 with a 2:28.75 in this race.  That was WAY more than I expected.  And, I'm excited to look at the splits and see that while they're solid, there's much room for improvement.

I have a feeling that this race will, once again, be a favorite of mine.  The big end goal is to be under 2:20 by Indy next year.

I'm excited for the next meet, though I'm unsure when that will occur.  And, I'm really having a blast being back in the water every day.  I'm stoked for the summer months when I can up my mileage from 3500 yards a day to at least 5000.

Til next time, kids.

Cheers!

Chlorinated Piggy

So, with my cycling career having ended... many of you know that I've turned back to the water for physical mental health.  And, things have been going so very well.  I'm feeling great and really loving being in the water.  But, I still felt as though I needed a goal.  Some particular thing to work towards... to keep my intention directed.  So, I decided to sign up for a meet.  

Today was my first swim meet in 17 years.  I was nervous enough in signing up early in February that I only signed up for three very short events... the 50 Fly, 50 Free, and 100 IM.  When the day finally arrived, I was happy that I had selected those events, but also a bit bummed that I hadn't had a bit more confidence in myself and signed up for a few longer events (the 200 IM? 200 Free? 100 Fly?).  Alas... I was resolved to put everything that I had into those races and have fun!

Warm up was much as I remembered.  A gaggle of swimmers all piled into lanes laughing as they attempted to do a few laps and get ready.  The sprint lanes opened, and I got a few starts under my belt.  For some reason, going off the block after all these years just felt natural.  I was feeling ready.

The 50 Fly was my first race.  As I remembered from years ago, the butterflies in my stomach disappeared as soon as I stepped on the block.  A few shakes of the arms, a "Take Your Mark," and we were off.  I felt surprisingly smooth and strong during this first race.  Perhaps a little too smooth.  After I hit the wall, I realized that I probably could have put a bit more into it - but, I think I was worried about blowing up, so I raced a bit on the conservative side.  Alas... I was THRILLED with a 30.13 and a National Cut!  I'm convinced that I can break 30 seconds... maybe next time.

The 50 Free came next and I was excited for it.  Definitely NOT my strong suit (sprint freestyle), but I wanted to just keep my form together and use my legs to power through.  My turn was CRAPTASTIC - and I'm sure it cost me a few tenths - but, I finished strong and looked up to see a 28.35 on the board!!  WHAT???  I was just hoping to get below 30!  A 28 was really awesome to see. And, I found out later that it, too, was a National cut.

Finally, the one I was most excited for... the 100 IM!!  It was SO FUN!  I took my fly all out this time... no skimping.  My turn to backstroke was rough - tons of water up my nose.  But, I held it together and had a solid turn from back to breast.  My splits were really solid, and I was again surprised and happy to hit the wall and see a 1:10.37 on the board.  Nearly 3 seconds under the National cut for that event!

WHAT???  Three races... three cuts?  No way.

I had an amazing time at the event.  I met some awesome people, was invited to check out a few different teams, which I probably will do, and was inspired by amazing stories of perseverance.

Like this lady - Joan Waldbaum... 85 years old.  She raced the 100 IM in the heat before me.  She has survived pancreatic cancer and is currently on hospice care for stage 4 cancer.  She inspired an entire natatorium with every kick and was honored with a lifetime achievement award after the meet.  I feel utterly grateful for having met her today.  And, I will carry her amazing spirit with me everywhere I go.

As a testament to how nice people are, I was able to get my events filmed!  So, here's a little video for you to watch!  Whee!!

Busy Little Porkchop

To say that the last month has been a whirlwind would be an understatement.

On January 27th, I was overwhelmed by the fact that Trump had only been in office for 7 days, but it felt like 7 years.  I was overwhelmed by social media and the simultaneously awesome outpouring of solidarity and cries for action and the horrendous inundation with new articles about the administration's actions that just made me sick to my stomach.

So, I took some time away... I needed to detox.  To focus on my own life for a bit without the shadow of politics over me.  It was a good week and it's helped me to manage the tide of crap.  Still... I find myself amazed, disturbed, and utterly disgusted at the current state of our political affairs.

Alas... I don't really want this post to be about that.  I want it to focus on the things that I feel good about....

Like being a panelist today at an event organized to bring the students, faculty, and staff at the college together for a discussion about common goals in a time when our contract negotiations look bleak and we're being asked to make sacrifices that are above and beyond that which any reasonable person would agree to.

Like presenting at the Nineteenth Century Studies Association at 8am on a Thursday to a full room and getting some great questions and feedback on my paper.

Like being elected to the board of the NCSA and getting our undergraduate poster session approved for next year's conference!

Like organizing an "out of class" session with my Honors students to work on how one can positively engage in political discourse.  And, being trusted by the students to do this with integrity, fairness, and positivity.

Like nurturing new friendships that are truly special in a variety of ways.  And, continuing to work on current friendships that mean the world to me.

Like swimming my butt off most mornings at 6am... feeling strong and healthy and great.  And, looking to actually sign up for a swim meet in the next couple of months!!

Like buying tickets to a host of upcoming music events because I simply adore the experience of live music.  The Old 97s, The Killers, and U2.  And, that's just the start of it.

Like embracing the daily events that make me feel effective, competent, and appreciated.  And, knowing that the future holds a true array of amazing opportunities.

I'm so grateful to the people in my life right now... you know who you are.  You make my daily existence better in fully tangible ways, and encourage me to be better.  A better teacher, a better friend, a better partner, a better person, a better Porkchop.

Thank you.

And So 2017 Begins

The year of the Rooster.  Not just the Rooster, but the FIRE Rooster!

Let's hope that it's a good one for all.

For my part, I will work on mindfulness, positivity, and being a better Porkchop today than I was yesterday.  I aim to keep my emotions in check, not let silly things frustrate me, and generally work harder to be constructive with my energy.

Oh, and I'm gonna swim... I'm gonna swim A LOT.  Because it's fun... and I like it.

And, I hope to get back on the bike soon.  Because I love it.  And, I miss my two-wheeled friends!

Happy New Year, All!

And, as the Irish say:

“In the New Year, may your right hand 

always be stretched out in friendship 

and never in need.”

My Birthday Wish

Here's the thing... I'm a pretty boring person, really.

I've not had any momentous tragedy take place in my life.  I've not been diagnosed with any diseases that House would be unable to diagnose.  I've not made any momentous discoveries or world-changing actions.  The hurdles in my life have been relatively short in stature and I've just chugged along.  And, my impact on the world around me has been the best I can do... but, it's not much.

I'm just a Community College Professor of Art History.  Zzzzzz....

I'm just a washed up elite amateur cyclist with a few amazing photos from Worlds in Richmond.  woo hoo.

I'm just a silly old lady with a wish for my 40th birthday (which is still a year away, mind you).

I want to meet U2.

That's right.  I said it.

Now, if I did have one of those issues in paragraph one, I could probably come up with a good reason for them to give me the time of day... kinda like these people... (good job, kids!!).

But, all I have is this:

When I was 10 years old, I *borrowed* my older sister's tape deck and music and stumbled upon The Joshua Tree for the first time.

My world was changed.  And, I mean that literally.

My eyes and my heart were opened to music and they've never been closed again.

The guitar and bass riffs of those songs still give me the chills, Bono's raspy lyrical genius has made most other music meaningless, Larry Mullen Jr.'s drumming is exquisite, and quotes from the Rattle and Hum film still find their way into my daily life.

The first time I scored tickets to a U2 concert, my heart raced for 5 minutes (I was 14).  And, that was just when I was on the phone with TicketMonster.

Yes, it was long enough ago that the InterWebs didn't even exist and tickets were scored by sleeping outside a ticket window all night or desperately hitting redial on the phone until you got through!!

The show itself was a glamorous display of campy satire and musical brilliance.

There have been distinctive highs in my love for this band - discovering the War and October albums for the first time, hearing "40" live, listening to U2 as the plane touched down in Shannon and pretty much non-stop for the entire 10 days that we drove around Ireland, and realizing 15 years later that "With or Without You" being my high school boyfriend and my "song" was really quite fitting.

And, despite my husband's disagreement on this one, I've always admired Bono's use of his visibility to try to make a difference in the world.

So, I've got about 385 days to figure out how to make my 40th birthday dream come true.

Any assistance that you folks out there can give would be great.

And... go!

Mindfulness

Mindfulness.

This is a topic that has been popping up in my life quite a bit lately.  At work, at home, as I shop for Christmas gifts for my family, as I re-evaluate my own life, and as I contemplate my next "moves."

But, what the hell is it? 

Mindfulness... you may hear this word more in certain circles than others.  I imagine a CEO of a Fortune 500 hears this quite a bit less often than an educator. 

And, what a shame. 

For, though many will deem "mindfulness" some hippy dippy liberal hogswash (and, maybe it is), I believe that it's a fundamental and significant aspect of the human condition that has - of late - been challenged, undercut, and generally deleted from daily practice on a somewhat global scale.

After all... there's nothing particularly mindful about shooting off "tweets" or Facebook posts at all hours of the day with whatever thought appears within your brain in response to every instantaneous external event. 

There's nothing particularly mindful about seeing your way as the only right way and everyone else as "wrong."

There's nothing particularly mindful about bullying those around you for the sake of seeing them squirm under uncomfortable conditions.

There's nothing particularly mindful about crashing your way through your life like a bull in a china shop with no regard for the china, the shop, or anyone else you may plow over on your way to whatever you believe is at the other end of your journey.

And, yet... that's where we seem to be as a culture.  Wandering around with a complete lack of mindfulness.

And, I am just as guilty of lacking mindfulness at various times in my life.

So, I've been working on it.

I've been spending a bit of time each day thinking about things that I'm thankful for, considering how I walk through my day - who I encounter, how I encounter them, missteps I've made, successes I've had, and what goals I want to see achieved.  And, when I consider each of those things, I'm trying to view the whole picture... see the periphery and the margins as well as the bulk of the central scene.  Trying to imagine the ripple effect of my decisions and how they impact others as they pulse outward from my central point of action.

This doesn't necessarily mean that I don't DO the thing I need/want to do.  It just means that I'm thinking beyond the immediate.  I'm considering the impact beyond the now, beyond the me, beyond the THIS... to the THAT.

And, it's damn hard.  But, I feel that just makes it all the more necessary. 

So, I'll continue to practice mindfulness in my own way... in the hopes that the ripple effect that I can achieve will be one in which my impact on others is positive, thoughtful, careful, and kind. 

And So It Goes

Today was my 6 week follow up with the surgeon.

All is well.

Really.

My healing is going just fine, and he's happy with how things are looking at this time.

BUT.

Yep, you knew that was coming...

He's asked me to be very cautious.  He's implored me to be careful, to not push too much, to let the healing continue at a steady pace and to make sure that I allow that to happen so that we can avoid a return trip to sleepy town.  He's asked me to really thoughtfully consider my activities and how they impact my back and my physical well-being.

As such, it's finally time to pay the piper.

It is with a truly heavy heart that I have to face the reality that my bike racing career is over.

No, you didn't misread that.  And, I didn't mistype.

I'm retiring from racing.

It's been a glorious run for someone who didn't start racing a bike until she was 27.  I literally achieved every goal I had ever wanted - except for one, and I got really darn close to that one, too.

- I raced at the Liberty Classic and numerous other professional events.
- I won the state title in road, crit, and TT at the Elite and Masters levels.
- I won at least one mass-start race every season of my career.
- I brought home a medal from Nationals
- I got my Cat 1 upgrade
- I raced for three amazing teams over a 10 year span - each with its own unique and wonderful personality and within which I was able to grow as a person, as a teammate, and as an athlete

More important than any of that, I made some amazing friends through this sport.  People that I truly can say have changed my life.  They have helped me become the person that I am today and have loved me because of (not in spite of) my flaws and my quirks.

I will miss racing.  There's no doubt about that.  It's been a huge part of who I am for years.  But, I'm also looking forward to the next phase of my life... filling Mr. Porkchop's weekends with adventures!!

To all who I've met along the way... thank you for touching my life and making this post so difficult to write.

Thankful For So Much

As we near the end of November, which has been a month of truly amazing ups and terrifyingly awful downs, I am urging myself to look upon the Thanksgiving season with a sense of gratitude.  And, as such, I feel a strong need to express that gratitude here... for whoever reads this nonsense!

I am grateful for my freedom.  Grateful to be a member of the citizenry of the United States, which I believe has been and will continue to be a bastion for freedom and equality of many kinds.  I'm under the belief that this freedom and equality is currently under attack, but that the spirit of America will prevail and that we will not falter in pursuing the implementation of our modern interpretation of the belief that all men are created equal.

I am grateful for my friends and family.  The last 6 weeks have been a trial for me in terms of my well being, both physical and mental.  When you are truly down and getting up does not seem easy or possible, it's then that those who truly love you show their colors.  They babysit you when you can't do for yourself (for one day or for two weeks!), they bring you food, they swing by simply to make you smile, they give you silly socks with images of raining cats and dogs... they call, they text, and they remind you that you do not have to "get up" on your own.  They remind you that they are there to help you and that getting up with their help will be a lot easier - not to mention a hell of a lot more fun!

I am grateful for the life that I have been fortunate enough to build.  I've found an amazing partner, a job that is truly fulfilling and challenging, and several communities of like-minded people who continue to show me that anything is possible.  Whether it's keeping an animal shelter up and running, bringing a block-long "downtown main street" back to life with local business and community, or brainstorming sanity and action in a politically turbulent moment, I'm lucky to be surrounded by people that I admire and appreciate.

I am grateful for the many fighters and allies that have come before us.  We may not know what the future holds, but we are starkly aware of the past.  As such, we have exceptional models for how to engage, behave, and enact change.  May we never, as a free people, cease to fight against injustice, bigotry, hatred, and fear.

May you all find peace and gratitude at your dinner table during this Thanksgiving season.

I am with LOVE

This is, I think, my first "political" post.  Ever.  But, don't worry... it will not really be about politics and it will not be a hate-filled rant.  In fact, I would beg my friends, family, and those I don't know to avoid hate at this unbelievably important moment.  Though, in my heart of hearts, I worry that for some people this isn't possible. 

This post is about love.  And hope.  And overcoming the unbearable sadness, fear, and anxiety that currently floods my soul.  And, it's about the love that I'm desperately going to search out and grow in my heart, even though it's currently hiding away somewhere.  I must find it. 

I must grab hold of that love for myself and my future as a woman in a society that has gestured toward a huge leap backward in terms of women's rights.

As an intellectual in a society that fears intelligence and education.

As a friend and ally to every person that I encounter regardless of race, creed, religion, gender, sexuality, and, yes, even political leaning, in a society that has increasingly and openly displayed hatred and fear and violence toward "others". 

As a person who believes in the betterment of our world through kindness, consideration, tolerance, and love in a society that currently wants to divide human beings into categories of differentiation. 

As an Aunt to beautiful nieces and nephews whose future relies upon our making fair and smart choices in a society that seems to offer fewer and fewer options for doing so. 

Please know that this is not an attack on any one person or any one party or any one anything. 

This is not a post about me being right and someone else being wrong. 

This is not a post where I say that I hate the people who don't agree with me... that I hate those that think opposite to me. 

I don't hate you. 

I LOVE you. 

All I ask is that you love me, too.  And her.  And him.  And them.  And us. 


I'm not sure what the next few days or months or years or decades have in store for us.  I'm not sure what they would have had in store for us had the election gone differently.  I imagine the division of our nation's people would still exist and hatred would still be brewing, just in a different way.  And, I believe that it would have surfaced in a more dangerous way - those telling me now to "shut the hell up and deal with it" would, I think, have a hard time doing that if the cards had fallen differently.  And, it's this expression of anger and dominance that I want to fight. 

In truth, I don't know how to do that... any more than the female suffragists initially knew how to fight for the vote or Rosa Parks knew how to fight for her seat on a bus.  But, they figured it out, and so shall we.  I believe that we can recover the love that I believe exists in my fellow people.  Unfortunately, for now, all I can see from my seat on the bus is anger, hatred, boisterous arrogance, fear, and unbearable sadness.  None of this is going to help us recover.  None of this is going to help us survive.  None of this is going to help us move forward.

We are at a scary tipping point in our world.  We can either allow hatred and fear and power to threaten the freedoms that we, as a country and as a people, have held so dear, or we can fall victim to the divisive nature of history's mistakes. 

And, to those who say that this isn't about hate.  Please come to my classes, or those of my colleagues, and tell that to the students who fear that they will be deported, those that have asked us if they should "go home" because they are not welcome here, those who are AFRAID for their LIVES because the rhetoric of this political moment has been telling them that if they are different (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, etc.) they should be afraid not just for their rights but for their LIVES.  Please tell me how that is not about fear-mongering and hate.  Please tell them, because I am unable to do so.

And, to those that will say that I'm overreacting.  I truly hope that you're right.  I pray that now that this bitter and spite-filled election is over, our leaders and our people will find some semblance of sense and caring and consideration for others and find a way to bring our nation back together.  I truly hope for that.

As hard as it is for me right now, and as much as I want to bury my head in the sand and cry for the loss of social growth and maturity that has been an amazing part of our GREAT country, I will not.  I will simply tell myself and those around me over and over and over....

I am with LOVE.
I am with LOVE.  
I am with LOVE.
I am with LOVE. 
I am with LOVE.

Radio Silence

My apologies for the radio silence of late.  Much has happened since my last post and it's been both good and bad.

After much pain.  Much, much, much, pain.  ALL of the pain... I went in for another surgery on my back.  My disk had reherniated and the injury was not responding to therapy and the agony was simply too much to bear. So, I went back under the knife.

I'm glad that I did it because the pain was relieved immediately post-op.  I'm already back on my feet and back to work (just two weeks post surgery) and feeling good.  I'm still taking it very easy (don't worry, Mom!!!), but I'm amazed at the improvement so far.

While a lot of people are asking me about the future and what I will or won't be doing with myself, I'm not really thinking about that just yet.  My mind is focused on healing and strengthening.  I go back to the surgeon for a follow up in another 4 weeks... I imagine we'll have "the talk" then about what limitations I'm facing going forward.

For now... I'm grateful for the notes, calls, texts, meals, visits, and support that I've received from friends, family, and colleagues.  Thank you SaraB for babysitting me the day after surgery when Mr Porkchop had to go to work.

And, I cannot in any way shape or form thank my dear Mr. Porkchop for his love and support and my Momma Porkchop for flying out to be my caretaker over the last two weeks. The road to recovery was so much smoother with you around.  Plus, we just have a damn good time together.  Thanks, Momma!!!!

The Importance of Being Honest

Friends of mine recently began a monthly "family dinner."  Unlike other families... ours is a family by choice.  A small group of friends who sit down to a dinner monthly that includes some rather intense moments of sharing that is based on a theme suggested by one of the participants.

This past month, I suggested a topic for our evening... "Ways in which we are honest or dishonest with ourselves."

I suggested it because it's been something that I've been working on with myself lately.

The first step for me was admitting that though this race season was the best of my career so far, it came at a price.  And, the price was some physical challenges related to my back injury of a few years back.  About two weeks ago, I became VERY honest with myself and said, "the season is OVER.  STOP racing and focus on healing what's ailing."  Of course, that was closely followed by being honest with my coach and my team.  I happily stepped into my role as DS for the team and have stayed largely off the bike for the past few weeks.

But, I think it goes far deeper than that... it's so easy to lie to yourself.  About SO many things.  And, I acknowledge that it's a technique of self-preservation that, as human beings, we desperately need.  But, there are moments when we needlessly fall back on the dishonesty in order to avoid the truth... which is not really cool.

I'm working hard to be more honest with myself.  And, in turn, I'm finding that it's a lot easier to be honest with my partner, my teammates, my colleagues, etc.

Don't get me wrong... this is NOT easy.  If there's one person in the world who really wants to believe my lies... it's ME.  So, trying to break down those walls is tough.

Luckily, I have an amazing crew of peeps, a wonderful partner, and the desire to undertake the project.

There's No "I" in TEAM

I've been a "teammate" for as long as I can remember.  As a soccer player, as a cross-country runner, as a swimmer, and as a cyclist... I was always a "teammate," never just an athlete on a team.

To me, it's one of the best things to be.  It allows you to become better by surrounding yourself with those that bring you up.  It allows you to become better by focusing on bringing others around you to another level of success.  And, most important, perhaps... it makes life fundamentally better to be around people who have your back in the truest sense.

As the Olympics continue on and athletes (often seen as individual competitors) try to perform to their highest level, I am reminded that "team" is a word that some simply don't understand.  And, to be honest... this makes me sad.  Sad for those people who just don't get it.

Sad for someone who looks at a young female athlete and says, "Cycling isn't a team sport." To me, this may be one of the most inane and ridiculous things I've ever heard someone say.  I guess that person never saw this...

https://www.facebook.com/VW/videos/10157244242760790/

...where the first words out of the mouth of the National Champion of the US is "Cycling IS such a team sport."

But, I guess if you're not a "teammate," it's hard to understand these things.  If you're not a "teammate," you don't SEE what others do for you.  If you're not a "teammate," you only see what you do... and think that's all that happened to achieve success.  If you're not a "teammate," you don't truly understand sacrifice and therefore cannot understand how someone else would sacrifice for your success.  If you're not a "teammate..."  well, you're just not a "teammate."

And, for some people, I'm sure that's a wonderful thing to be... "not a teammate."  For now.  But, the funny thing is... LIFE is about being a "teammate."

I am my husband's "teammate."  We are in this life together and our partnership makes our life successful.

I am my family's "teammate." We are stuck with each other forever and must be on the same team to ensure the success of our family - our parents, our kids, their kids, etc.

I am my coworkers' "teammate."  If I drop the ball, everyone suffers and is impacted.

I am my friends' "teammate."  If I fail to support them when they need me, then I'm no sort of friend at all.

I am my teammates' "teammate."  They count on me to do my job to the best of my ability so that they can better do theirs!

Considering all of this, how can every sport not be about TEAM?

http://www.teamusa.org/News/2016/August/14/For-US-Swimmers-Team-Effort-Brought-Stunning-Success-In-An-Individual-Sport

Considering all of this, how can every aspect of life not be about TEAM?

The best part of all of this?  We most often get to choose our teammates!!  It's our opportunity to be surrounded by amazing people.  Our chance to dedicate ourselves to those that we care deeply about and who share our desire to achieve greatness together.  Our chance to assemble our very own "Dream Team."

So, choose your "teammates" wisely, people... and know that in the end... very few will care about what you did on your own, they will actually care about the good you did for those around you.  The good you did for the "teammates" of your life.

No Bikes... This Time

I'm going "home" to see my brother and his family soon.  I'm going to see my niece and nephew for the first time in way too many years.  I'll admit it... I'm a little nervous about it.  It was easy when they were tiny... kids at that age either love you to pieces or scream bloody murder if you look at them!  Now, these kids are actually little people that will look at me and think, "What a DORK." or "Gee... our Aunt Porkchop is kinda cool."

I know that our other nieces and nephews think those things simultaneously, so it's not like I'm rooting for one or the other.

OK - I'm lying.... I TOTALLY want to be the cool Aunt.

Right?  I mean... SERIOUSLY, who doesn't want to be the cool Aunt.  The one that isn't totally like a grown up.  The one that gets really into some of the same things that you're into.  The one that does cool stuff like race bikes (oh, wait.... I said this one wouldn't be about bikes...).  SRSLY... I hope I'm the cool Aunt.

But, more than anything, I want to get to know who these little people have become.  And, get a sense for who they might turn out to be in the long run.  I'm really excited to get to spend time with them.  I'm excited to hear about soccer and cheerleading and school and their friends and all of that good stuff.

And, I just hope that they are equally excited to hang out with their Dorky/Cool Aunt.