Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Sometimes I question my reaction to things. I have tried in the last couple of years of my life to learn to balance my passion with a sense of control so as to not let emotional reaction get the best of me. I find that, for the most part, I manage to do this pretty well.

Often, I am envious of those who are more detached, who can hear a comment that is offensive or impolite and allow it to roll of their backs and not bother them. Sometimes I can do this, other times, not so much. I find that at times like now, when things are BUSY, life is CRAZY, and I am stretched to the extent of what I think I can take - the passion rises up and I have a very tough time letting things go. Other times, when I feel content, secure, solid, grounded - you can say pretty much anything to me and I can simply follow through with a witty retort and forget the event.

So, here I sit, attempting to determine what it is that irks me so much about certain comments and why I let them impact my life. I know that, to some extent, I feel engulfed by people who do not really know or understand me. Worse than that, they have no interest in knowing or understanding me. Yet, they are intent on projecting their goals and ideas about what I should be doing upon my life.

I also know that sometimes I envy the lives of those who have it different than me. I would love to be like my sister-in-law...raising three great kids and being there to watch them grow and change...there are times when I am very envious of the life she has and the struggles that no doubt come with it. So, when comments are made to me about having kids (often rudely like "Why don't you have any kids?" or "Isn't it about time for you to have a baby?"), I'm tired of politely trying to explain why they don't fit into my life. My life is hard to explain to some people - I work hard at work, I work harder at home, I study my tail off, I play as much as I can, I enjoy my marriage, I enjoy my cat-kids, I like my life as is...for now.

So, my February resolution is this...brush 'em off. Take the snide comments, the rude questions, the condesending tones, and brush 'em off. Feel good for others without feeling crappy about me.

...hope it works!